From: Flipper To: Qwerty Martians Msg #110, 06-Aug-92 11:28am Subject: Dvoraks It was quite some time before Flipper, who had been watching Brandy serve drinks, noticed that Flog had left. He had simply assumed Flog was taking his time in answering his last question, and being the patient type, was quite prepared to wait for an answer. But seeing that Flog had left, Flipper decided it was time to move on. Brandy grabbed him by the dorsal fin as he tried to walk away. 'You still have to pay for those drinks!' she told him. 'But Flog bought those drinks!' protested Flipper. 'Flog isn't here right now, is he?' she asked him. 'Doesn't he own the place?' asked Flipper. 'Yeah, but he didn't say he was going to pay, or to give you free drinks, so pay up.' Grumbling, Flipper looked for his wallet to pay for the drinks. He handed some money to Brandy, then waited while she counted out the full change. He bluntly put all the change in his pocket, to show there was no chance of a tip, then walked off into the gambling area of the casino. Eventually he happened upon a poker table. Though Flipper had never actually played poker before, he had seen it played on TV and movies, and was confident it was fairly easy. He bought into the game and sat down between two old men re-living memories while wasting their money. They eye [d him suspiciously. 'I can't say I remember ever playing with a FISH before,' said one man pointedly. 'I'm NOT A FUCKING FISH!!!' roared Flipper, and everyone in the room glanced over, or looked around if they were too far away to see. One old lady playing the slots didn't notice she had won the jackpot, and a young man next to her quickly grabbed most of the coins and placed them in his tray. 'what do you know?' said the man. 'I finally won! Guess I'll be going now.' He walked off. The lady looked back at her machine, and seeing a winning combination waited for the coins to fall. When they didn't, she began cursing and kicking the machine violently until she was escorted out of the casino and tossed on her rump, where she threatened to have the place shut down. 'Well, excuuuuuussse me, your highness!' said the man next to Flipper, standing up to make a little bow. 'Please forgive my ignorance as to your true form!' Flipper growled to himself under his breath. 'Forgiven,' he mumbled. Then before the old man could reply he said to the dealer, 'Are we gonna play or what?!' The dealer shrugged and dealt all the players a hand. Flipper held his cards close to his face and quickly shifted his eyes back and forth among his opponents. Then he glanced down at his cards, and was somewhat disappointed to find that they did not have pictures of nude women on them, just little red and black shapes. Flipper waited to see what would happen next. The man next to him took two cards, and everyone looked at Flipper. 'My turn?' he asked. 'Uh,' he consulted his cards, not really knowing if the hand was any good or not, 'I stand.' 'You don't want any cards?' asked the dealer, annoyed that Flipper obviously didn't understand the game. --- VortexNet v4.7a [1.1] * Origin: Evil Genius: Secret Engagement Plans? (1:163/227) SEEN-BY: 163/110 135 166 207 218 222 227 266 277 290 305 405 410 518 243/5 From: Flipper To: All Msg #111, 06-Aug-92 11:29am Subject: old men in smelly suits 'No cards,' said Flipper. 'Oh yeah, and I raise 50,' he said, remembering some of what he had seen on TV. 'Bah!' said one man. 'I'll wait till the next hand.' The game continued on, Flipper raised constantly, until only himself and the man next to him were still in. Flipper put on an evil grimace and shifted his eyes at the man. The old man shook his head. He looked at the large pile of money, then back at Flipper. 'You're bluffing,' he said. 'I call.' Putting his cards down, he announced 'Full house.' and reached for the money. Flipper looked at the man's cards. There were three with 'k' on them and pictures of richly dressed men, and two with 'j' on them and similar pictures. Flipper looked down dejectedly at his bland cards with no pictures at all. He sighed. 'I guess you win,' he said. 'This is all I have, no pictures or anything.' he set down his cards, showing four cards with 'A' on them and one '10'. A woman poked Flipper excitedly in the ribs. 'You won!!' she screamed. Flipper winced, his sensitive hearing possibly damaged. But he smiled. 'I won?' he asked. The old man grunted and left the table. 'YEAH!' yelled Flipper. The took the money and went to cash it in for more spendable currency. 'Gambling is easy! I don't understand why so many people say it's bad!!' --- VortexNet v4.7a [1.1] * Origin: Evil Genius: Secret Engagement Plans? (1:163/227) SEEN-BY: 163/110 135 166 207 218 222 227 266 277 290 305 405 410 518 243/5 SEEN-BY: 243/9 [111] Lastest: 142. Press ENTER for NEXT msg. Echo area 24 ... Flog and LSd *Come* Here ECHOMAIL: [A C D N E R = L I M G F U ?]: From: Flipper To: The Owners Msg #112, 05-Aug-92 01:03am Subject: daffodils in the breeze Flipper looked around. His pocket, a small pouch strapped around his waist, was bulging with won money. He was glad to be enjoying himself, but winning was beginning to bore him. Besides that, he had heard people get thrown out for winning too much. He wasn't sure if that applied to dolphins too, but he decided not to take any chances, and chose to stop while he was ahead. He accepted a drink from a passing waitress, and swallowed it down. Now that the gambling was done, Flipper wanted to spend his money. He wanted to watch it flow from his fins like power from an evil sorceror. He gave the cocktail waitress $100 and walked off, glancing out of the corner of his eye for a reaction. The waitress shrugged and stuffed the bill into her top. Disappointed, Flipper moved on. The casino was far larger than he had expected, and it took him some time to find his way out. Eventually, he found the exit and made his way to a large elevator. Having nothing better to do, he entered the elevator and examined the large panel of buttons for floor selection. Unable to make a decision, he closed his eyes and randomly pressed a button. He kept his eyes closed until the elevator stopped, and he exitted on to the selected floor without checking which floor it was. --- VortexNet v4.7a [1.1] * Origin: Evil Genius: Secret Engagement Plans? (1:163/227) SEEN-BY: 163/110 135 166 207 218 222 227 266 277 290 305 405 410 518 243/5 SEEN-BY: 243/9 *** There's a reply!. See #113. [112] Lastest: 142. Press ENTER for NEXT msg. Echo area 24 ... Flog and LSd *Come* Here ECHOMAIL: [A C D N E R = L I M G F U ?]: From: Cadomark Rec'd To: Flipper Msg #113, 05-Aug-92 05:05pm Subject: Squeezing biceps in the hurricanes Flipper strolled, or flopped, or moved however it was that he managed to move on dry land (the method of his locomotion was always a mystery to the narrator, who normally just said, "moved," in sheer desperation.) about the floor. He saw a thick oaken door with a very large "DISPOSAL" sign glued firmly to the portal's surface. Unable to hear anything inside the room, he paused, torn between his lust for action and his kinder, instinctive actions. He dug a salmon out of his pack, sat down along the wall, and began snacking while trying to work out the dilemna he was in. He was entirely unaware that the room he was debating to break into was Cadomark's old Office-O'-Many-Dooms. Cadomark, apparently through some bizarre time rift where odd things happen despite one's own will, was still stretched out on the roof of the casino, quite stunned. The stab wound he had received was really quite trivial, and he had just been quite spineless about the whole thing. When he realized that nobody was going to be paying attention to him, he rose up and took the elevator back down to the first floor, just in time to witness a young woman walking in through the front entrance. She was dressed casually in denim, and was otherwise not overly noticeable, save for the tomahawk she had strapped on her hip, which she occasionally used to knee-cap a taller person out of her way. She sat on a barstool and ordered an exceptionally powerful drink. Cadomark squirmed his way to the bar, squeezing his way between large numbers of people who stood around, taking up large amounts of room. A very matronly old woman stopped him. "Young man," she sternly addressed him, "you're bleeding all over the place!" Cadomark looked down at himself, and examined the two small gashes on his torso. A small amount of blood had seeped out and coloured his otherwise white shirt red. "Why, uhh, yes I am," he replied, suddenly smirking a little. "It's all the rage now, you know. Slashed torsos." He flounced off in imitation of Parisian clothes designers. She shook her head in confusion, clucked her tongue, and started funneling more money into a slot machine. Cadomark eventually made his way up to the bar, where the woman was sitting. She was taking discreet sips from a very thick glass. Fumes were rising up from the container, and flies nearby were dropping to the ground, dead. A fat man sitting nearby clamped a cigar between his jaws and produced a lighter. "NO, DON'T LIGHT UP!" screamed Brandy, leaning over the bar, grabbing the man and shaking him senseless. He sat beside her and caught a whiff of her drink, and began to choke a little. "Hi, I'm Cadomark," he wheezed. --- Opus-CBCS 1.14 * Origin: No longer at ease here, in the old dispensation. (1:163/290.0) SEEN-BY: 163/135 207 290 305 405 410 518 243/9 From: Cadomark To: Reppilf Msg #114, 05-Aug-92 05:23pm Subject: Hurl a typewriter out a window today! Flipper, meanwhile, after haaving consumed several cod, a brace of arctic char, a large number oof pickled sardines and a large rock bass decided that yes, after all he would break into the office. He flopped down beside the door lock and got to work. In the bar, a small area had cleared out around the unknown woman. Very few people had the stamina or stupidity to breathe in the foul fumes of the drink she was consuming. She looked at him for a moment, as if he was some sort of unexpected thing, like a creature from another planet. She paused to take another sip from her drink, then offered him her hand. "We've met before," she said, looking wistfully off into the distance, as if expecting someone else to arrive. A passing custodian saw the open door to Cadomark's office. He paused in alarm. He had heard a large number of rumours about the mysterious fates that befell those that entered that room. He gulped nervously, then peered around the corner. Slumped against the wall, holding a large bottle of vodka between a pair of flippers was the largest dolphin the man had ever seen. He dropped his cleaning implements and ran like hell. Flipper looked up and stopped singing his Vkiking drinking song for a moment. He put down the bottle, rose up, and moved (yes, moved) to the door. Spiked balls were hurled from the corners of the room, billiard balls were dropped from the ceiling, and bowling balls were rolled along the floor, but mysteriously, none of them hit him. He looked down the hall and saw the janitor round a corner out of sight, screaming very loudly. He sighed in desperate boredom, then moved back to where he left his bottle. Red-hot BB pellets rained out from all surfaces of the room, but again, nothing hit him. He flopped down again and took a long pull from his bottle. Cadomark scanned the crowd, trying to see whatever it was she was looking for. He eventually gave up. "So, what *ARE* you looking for?" he asked her, trying to establish eye-contact. "Oh, my boyfriend," she replied. "He was supposed to show up here about half an hour ago, but I guess he forgot or something." She sighed heavily, and took another sip from her drink. "That's too bad," he replied, trying to put as much sincerity as possible in his voice. "What are you going to do instead?" She sat and stared off into the distance in silence, and life went on in the casino. --- Opus-CBCS 1.14 * Origin: No longer at ease here, in the old dispensation. (1:163/290.0) SEEN-BY: 163/135 207 290 305 405 410 518 243/9 *** Witty reply to msg #113. [114] Lastest: 142. Press ENTER for NEXT msg. Echo area 24 ... Flog and LSd *Come* Here ECHOMAIL: [A C D N E R = L I M G F U ?]: From: Flog Sonata To: Cadomaster Msg #115, 05-Aug-92 11:45pm Subject: Time keeps on shtupping my sutures. In a fair universe, reality would be an orderly, understandable, chronological thing. The universe, as we all know, is not fair. Flog found out the universe was not fair, when he lost $400 on the roulette wheel, betting on red 27 over and over and over. Fortunately for Flog, this was his weekly salary. Unfortunately for Flog, he just got paid that morning. This meant for the rest of the week, he had to survive on his own toe-jam and body fluids, unless he could somehow convince someone to give him some money. He NEEDED money. Money money money money. Without money, he couldn't get the free drinks... Er, without money he couldn't bet at the tables which gave him money anyway... Er, uh.. He just needed money. Flog could have easily said to one of the table boys: "Look, I'm the goddam owner, give me some CASH!" but being a humble, caring, idiot, this never occured to Flog. To get money from a table-git would be the equivalent of God asking Jesus for some spare change. No, it wouldn't do. Flog had to make his own cash. But how? It was then that a wandering psychotic muse stuck a really bad idea in Flog's head. This muse, who had been institutionalized in the planes of poo, was a psychomuse. It inspired really dumb ideas. Once, in a fit of bliss, this muse inspired a small child to beat his meat in a church. The small child still has emotional scars to this very day, not to mention physical scars on his butt from where his mother thwaked him repeatedly with a crucifix. Flog's muse inspired idea was to play the guitar in front of the casino, and get people to throw change, chips, whatever into his empty guitar case. Flog went off and stole a guitar from a little old lady, then propped himself outside the bar. "Pealings..." he sang, Nothing more than, pealings... Trying to forget my, Love for SPUDS! Deepfryers... Sizzling through, the night... Alone in the dark... Without a light! PEALINGS! WOE-WOE-WOE PEALINGS! The skin off a potato, WOE-WOE-WOE-URK! The urk was caused by Reg clutching Flog's genitals in a vice- like grip. "What the hell are you doing?" Reg screamed, "your keeping the customers away!" "I wanted to make some extra money, so I thought..." "Look, here's ten thou, shut the fuck up," Reg said, handing Flog a large roll of chips, then running off. "Gee," Flog muttered, "I'm better than I thought." --- Opus-CBCS 1.14 * Origin: Seems like time ate my brain at infinity o'clock. (1:163/290.0) SEEN-BY: 163/135 207 290 305 405 410 518 243/9 From: Flipper Rec'd To: Cadomark Msg #116, 07-Aug-92 01:06pm Subject: WHAT's wrong with 'moved'? Flipper drained off the rest of the vodka, and decided that breaking into this room really hadn't been worth the effort. He didn't see anything of interest, though there were a lot of strange noises. Besides that, his vulcan mind link with Flog had never really been broken, and he now knew the whole story behind Death's Casino, and realized that the room he had broken into was Cadomark's room of Death. He looked around nervously, and decided he should leave before any of the attack systems activated. He got up and walked to the door. Machine guns fired, spears flew across the room, laser beams danced, but Flipper was untouched, and oblivious to them all as he staggered (see?) across the room to the open door. At the door he paused, and the room, in desperation, dropped a large sledgehammer from above his head. Flipper's luck finally ran out, as the sledgehammer slammed into his skull with a loud 'thunk'. Flipper fell forward into the hall, and the door shut behind him. --- VortexNet v4.7a [1.1] * Origin: Evil Genius: Secret Engagement Plans? (1:163/227) SEEN-BY: 163/110 135 166 207 218 222 227 266 277 290 305 405 410 518 243/5 From: Flog Sonata Rec'd To: Flipper Msg #117, 06-Aug-92 04:28pm Subject: Dolphin Drug Trip This is what Flipper saw when he fell unconscious, a sledgehammer having struck him in the side of the head: x * * * ^ * ^ X * * X * * ^ * * (Yes, I could have said "he saw stars" but where's the fun in that?) As he watched the stars, they turned into little fish that swam about his head. (Some say that the stars themselves LOOK like fish, but I myself am not sure.) The little fish danced in and out of his mouth as Flipper tried to bite them, but managed only to sink his sharp little teeth into his pink triangular tongue. "I'll get you, you little fish!" Flipper yelled, and ran down the hallway. Meanwhile, Flog had spent his ten thousand dollars. He'd made some rather silly bets at the roulette table, and had asked for another card at blackjack when in fact, he had twenty one. (They didn't want to give Flog another card, telling him he'd one, but Flog insisted, threatening the dealer with his GUN. He'd had just a few too many flaming Sambucas.) "Bugger," Flog groaned, realizing he was broke again. He wondered where his guitar was. Reg had had it last. "Reg," Flog burbled, "Where'd you put my guitar?" "I took each atom of your guitar," Reg growled with extreme pleasure, "and destroyed it. Atom by atom. Took each atom and ate it, destroying each atom so that in our plane of existence, the matter, and the soul of the matter, no longer exists." Reg rubbed his boney hands together and laughed like a maniac. "But... But why?" Flog asked, a solitary tear streaking down his face, and splashing on to a spider on the floor. The spider took out a little umbrella and ran off, unhurt. "Because you are the worst guitar player in the entire universe, both the known universe, the unknown universe, and possibly in all planes of existence!" Reg screamed. "Uh, but... Well, poo," Flog sniffed. He wandered away from Reg, and made his way to a corner store. There, behind the counter, under a glass top counter, Flog saw a harmonica. "OH WOW!" he screamed, "I need that harmonica! Gimme!" "That'll be 40 cents, sir." Flog counted a few stray pennies in his Cap'n Crunch piggy bank and came up with the money. The store owner handed over the small, green, plastic harmonica. --- Opus-CBCS 1.14 * Origin: Seems like time ate my brain at infinity o'clock. (1:163/290.0) SEEN-BY: 163/135 207 290 305 405 410 518 243/9 From: Flog Sonata To: Sadomark Msg #118, 06-Aug-92 04:41pm Subject: Beat me with'n yer rythm stick... Flog stood outside the bar and played his plastic harmonica, which could only play three notes. He played a few notes then sang, hoping someone would throw some change into the top-hat in front of him: "Tie a yellow gibbon babboon to an old oak tree He's three years old, and in love with me And if you don't tie that gibbon to that goddam tree He'll rape my ass Eat my front-lawn grass And the cops will laugh at me If you don't tie that yellow gibbon to that old oak tree!" Flog played a few squawky notes on the harmonica. They sort of sounded like: "WHUUUZZZ!" and "WHIRRRRRP!" and WORRRRRRP!" These were the only notes the harmonica could make. Reg stormed out of the bar. "Now what the fugging jesus mother hell are you doing?" reg screamed. "I thought I'd try a new instrument," Flog said softly. "Look, here's another ten thou, please, don't play any musical instruments ever again. I'll pay you money whenever you want, just NEVER EVER play music outside the casino again. Come straight to me, and I'll hand you money, whatever amount you want, just NEVER EVER PLAY MUSIC OUTSIDE THE CASINO!" Reg bellowed. "Ok," Flog sniffed, counting the money Reg had handed him. Flog walked three feet, then dropped his top-hat on to the floor and began to play. "What are you doing?" Reg shrieked. "You said OUTSIDE the casino," Flog said, "I'm inside." Reg whipped out his scythe and cut Flog's 40 cent harmonica in half, as Flog held the cheap green plastic in his mouth. "NO," Reg said flatly. "Damn," Flog muttered. --- Opus-CBCS 1.14 * Origin: I wanna LIVE-UH, I wanna GIVE-UH... (1:163/290.0) SEEN-BY: 163/135 207 290 305 405 410 518 243/9 From: Flipper To: Little Fishies Msg #119, 07-Aug-92 11:52pm Subject: all sortsa stuff Flipper ran down the hall, chasing the little fish he could only see inside his head. 'C'mere you goddamn little fish!!' screamed Flipper. The janitor who had seen him earlier looked around the corner, and screamed as he saw Flipper bearing down on him, yelling and screaming at the top of his lungs. Before he could move, Flipper slammed into him, and they both lay tangled on the floor. 'I got you now...' said Flipper, biting down on a fish just in front of his nose. There was an awful scream of pain, and Flipper opened his mouth and looked around confused. Fish didn't normally scream. And it tasted funny, too. His head began to pound. Then he saw the janitor behind the fish. 'Hello.' said Flipper. 'Got a fish net?' The janitor struggled to his feet and ran down the hall as fast as he could, holding his arm and screaming 'MAD DOLPHIN!! MAD DOLPHIN!! HELP!! HELP!!' Flipper shrugged, and held his head in his fins. he wasn't sure if the pain was from the vodka or the quickly growing lump on the back of his head. He waved the fish out of his way and stood up. The fish gathered back in and continued to taunt and tease him. Flipper moaned and went back to the elevator. 'I wonder if there's a pool in this place?' he thought to himself, as he hit the main floor button. 'I'll ask the receptionist.' --- VortexNet v4.7a [1.1] * Origin: Evil Genius: Secret Engagement Plans? (1:163/227) SEEN-BY: 163/110 135 166 207 218 222 227 266 277 290 305 405 410 518 243/5 SEEN-BY: 243/9 [119] Lastest: 142. Press ENTER for NEXT msg. Echo area 24 ... Flog and LSd *Come* Here ECHOMAIL: [A C D N E R = L I M G F U ?]: From: Cadomark To: Muddy Watters Msg #120, 08-Aug-92 05:01pm Subject: Rice bran Cadomark sat around for awhile, hoping that his present company would inspire some conversation. Nothing of the sort was happening, other than the fact that his throat was getting extremely sore due to the extremly noxious quality of the drink the woman was drinking. Flipper staggered down the hall, grasping his head between his flippers, and moaning very softly to himself. He got into an elevator and stabbed at various buttons. The elevator rattled him about like salt in a shaker. Apparently, the designers of the elevator hated random button stabbers. Flog walked about the casino with a really big pout firmly implanted on his face. He had had a relevation in his life, and he wanted nothing more than to see it realized: He wanted to be a busker. Reg wasn't a happy camper. There was little more he hated than horrid music, and even if the pay and the position here was nice, if he caught Flog playing music again, he would kill. Everyone else was holed up in one part of the casino or another, doing subtle, discreet things that nobody wanted seen. Well, almost everyone else. Elquila Navelle was wondering to herself why Cadomark had taken up an active campaign of avoidance, and the drummer for the Here People (or whatever) had just given birth to a large colony of spiders, that issued forth from his belly button in a never-ending stream. He was exceptionally impressed, and wrote down the name printed on the label of distilled alcohol he'd been drinking. Cadomark eventually grew subtly annoyed at the silence and left. He started wandering about the casino, looking for Flog. He'd heard some rumours about him, and there was still some business deals to be smoothed through. Flog stalked the casino's souvenir shops, desperately trying to find anything that would play a musical note. He wound up settling for a comb and a piece of tissue paper. Reg, meanwhile, stalking about the casino, destroying everything that could posisibly play the slightest note, in the hopes of stopping Flog ahead of time. Flipper, meanwhile, stepped out of the elevator, reeling drunkenly from the combination of alcohol and being shaken. He desperately staggered over to a nearby wall on the first floor and hugged in desperation while his crazed and sensitive balance organs straightened themselves out. He waited for a few minutes, and then headed out on the main floor. The janitor, meanwhile, had just rounded down the second last flight of stairs. --- Opus-CBCS 1.14 * Origin: I wanna LIVE-UH, I wanna GIVE-UH... (1:163/290.0) SEEN-BY: 163/135 207 290 305 405 410 518 243/9 [120] Lastest: 142. Press ENTER for NEXT msg. Echo area 24 ... Flog and LSd *Come* Here ECHOMAIL: [A C D N E R = L I M G F U ?]: From: Lady Stardust-Sonata To: Mark Helprin Msg #121, 08-Aug-92 05:27pm Subject: 'Is there someone you love?' "Yes." "Flog," said LSd, "where's Crass?" She was fanning an angry flush with a sheaf of bills thick as a milkshake. "Dunno," said Flog, pouting at the broken comb and shredded paper Reg had stuffed down his pants. "A number of bills have come in, charged to the casino by him. I just wanna get him his credit card so that he can.." "deal with them himself. My secretary apparently has been spending six hours every day dealing with them." "Big bills?" asked Flog, alarms that the rent might fall due when they were short going off. "No, small... nothing bigger than twenty bucks, I think. It's just upsetting for my staff. Come help me look for him?" Flog and LSd went off on a hunt through the labyrinthine passages of the complex. "Brandy," called LSd, "have you seen Crass?" "Nope." They checked in a lot of places: the hospital, hotel, warehouse, restaurant mezzanine, bakeries, ropewalks, stable, brewery, greenhouses, abbatoir, bathhouses, retail shops, offices, gymnasiums, art studios, dance clubs, libraries, theatres, squash courts, laboratories, beauty parlours, morgue, armory, tanning salons, jail, banks, chapels, synagogues, brothel, observation towers and the basement. Nothing. Crass was apparently no longer in Death's Place. * * * About midnight that night, a man came into the reception area of the hotel. "I'd like a room," he said with a strong Irish accent. "What kind of room?" the girl asked. "What have you got?" "How much money are you looking to spend?" "This is how much I have." The man opened a black and faded knapsack that he carried and spilled out two enormous diamonds: one blue, one white. "Where can I have them appraised?" The receptionist signed a security guard, who took the man away to a jeweler, who also had sufficiently sophisticated equipment as to be able to analyze and compare the diamonds to any registered the world round. The stones lay innocent and he shrugged, naming a price. The man returned, satisfied, to the receptionist. "I'd like a one bedroom suite," he said. "To whom should I register it?" she asked, more impressed with his demeanor now. "Peter Lake," he said, putting out a bloody hand to sign with. --- Opus-CBCS 1.14 * Origin: Whole generations spring up and die with no trace (1:163/290.0) SEEN-BY: 163/135 207 290 305 405 410 518 243/9 From: Lady Stardust-Sonata To: Herr Professeur Hallett Msg #122, 08-Aug-92 06:13pm Subject: 'A woman?' "Yes." The next day, LSd and Flog were having breakfast together in a small cafe. "I'm a little worried," said LSd, "about Crass. I wonder what's become of him. Perhaps we should hire a detective?" "Maybe," said Flog, noticing a man out of the corner of his eye. This man was tall, but not very tall, about five foot eleven. His hair was red-blond and thinning a little. His eyes were cat-gray. But it was none of these things that attracted Flog, it was the huge bloody rent in the man's jacket over the collarbone. This man we have seen before, with enormous diamonds. Another thing Flog noticed was a casual set of lockpicks hanging from the man's belt. "Good morning," Flog yelled to the man. The man, who is Peter Lake, looked up. "I'll buy you breakfast," said Flog, getting up and flashing his penis at the cashier. "Thank you," said Peter Lake. "I appreciate that." "Are you a detective?" asked Flog as they set into breakfast again. "No," said Peter Lake. "I'm a burgalar. But don't worry, I don't foul where I eat." "That's fine," said LSd, intrigued. "I would have thought you were looking for someone, just an impression I got..." "A woman," said Peter Lake. "I lost a woman, a long time ago." "I'm sorry," said LSd. Peter Lake looked up from his sausages. "But I remember her. Everyone else may have forgotten, but *I* remember. I will always remember her." LSd touched his arm. "You're bleeding," she said. He looked down as his wound. "It's not of any consequence." "We want to hire you to find someone. A friend." Peter Lake shrugged painfully. "All right." "We have no idea of where he is in the world. You must find him." "All right." "We'll have details sent to your suite. We'll cover whatever bills you incur here." "All right." Peter Lake fell back to his sausages and boiling black coffee. --- Opus-CBCS 1.14 * Origin: Whole generations spring up and die with no trace (1:163/290.0) SEEN-BY: 163/135 207 290 305 405 410 518 243/9 [122] Lastest: 142. Press ENTER for NEXT msg. Echo area 24 ... Flog and LSd *Come* Here ECHOMAIL: [A C D N E R = L I M G F U ?]: From: Flog Sonata To: All Msg #123, 09-Aug-92 03:49pm Subject: Continuity is for sit-coms In another, darker part of the casino, a small band of egyptian midgets were plotting to assassinate the king of Zaire. Their daring plan was daring, cunning, daring and also cunning. Unfortunately, they were all killed horribly by a stray cat with a vicious temper... and then URK! The narrator beat the false-narrator over the head with a plot device, and regained control of his story. Flog and LSd were in the cafe, sipping tea and fondling each other. Peter Lake had walked off, deciding that he would search the casino one last time before going out into the big bad world to find the missing Crass-boy, who had not been seen since he was being sexually molested by Sheila Copps, as the narrator himself can testify when he last saw Crass tied up, and being forced to listen to Constitutional Summary Packages, read by the high pitched, leather clad Copps. Meanwhile, Flipper was stepping out of the elevator into a part of the casino that no one had ever visited before, ever. Flipper's nose twitched when he smelled it: water. He could hear it splashing, he could hear the trickling, the gushing, the plishing and plashing. He instantly started to run down the hall, searching for the source. He stepped into a huge open room, lit up with strobe lights: an olympic sized swimming pool. Flipper pissed himself with joy, and dived into the water, screaming and clucking in exctasy as he did a few dives, flips, and spins. Meanwhile, Hugh was floating face first, possibly dead, in a vat of chicken fat. Well, actually, he was floating face first on a water bed, and he wasn't dead, he was being molested by a sex crazed android named Gala. Meanwhile, Cadomark was caught in a time warp. He'd walked into a broom closet and it turned out that inside was a disturbance in the space time continuum. He was shot back through time like a marble out of a sling shot and landed in ancient Rome, where they gave him some rather nice bottles of wine, a fairly nice cheese, and a set of green leafy leaves to wear in his hair. He stepped out of the closet, clutching his wine and cheese, and vaguely wondered how many space time disturbances could be found throughout the huge complex known as Death's Place, and whether it was these disturbances that caused the utter lack of continuity, or if it was just sloppy writers who just sort of forgot bits and pieces of the plot. Peter Lake searche for Crass from top to bottom of the casino, and could find him no where, so Peter reported back to Flog and LSd. "He's not in the building," Peter said, "so I'll go see if I can find him in the outside world. I've heard rumours he's in the local sewers looking for one breasted amazon women, so I'll start looking there first." "Where'd you hear a rumour like that?" LSd asked. "Spray-painted on a bathroom wall," Peter explained, "on the 27th floor." "I guess we missed that in our search," Flog admitted. "Well, I'm off," Peter Lake said. "Good luck," Flog and LSd said. Peter Lake stepped outside, then climbed into the sewers through --- Opus-CBCS 1.14 * Origin: A dream within a dream within a blueberry. (1:163/290.0) SEEN-BY: 163/135 207 290 305 405 410 518 243/9 [123] Lastest: 142. Press ENTER for NEXT msg. Echo area 24 ... Flog and LSd *Come* Here ECHOMAIL: [A C D N E R = L I M G F U ?]: From: Flog Sonata To: All Msg #124, 09-Aug-92 04:05pm Subject: OOPS. Peter slipped into the sewers through and open manhole. --- Opus-CBCS 1.14 * Origin: A dream within a dream within a blueberry. (1:163/290.0) SEEN-BY: 163/135 207 290 305 405 410 518 243/9 [124] Lastest: 142. Press ENTER for NEXT msg. Echo area 24 ... Flog and LSd *Come* Here ECHOMAIL: [A C D N E R = L I M G F U ?]: From: Flipper To: A108am Msg #125, 09-Aug-92 08:34pm Subject: hmmm Finally Flipper presented himself at the reception desk, and stood there, reeling, while he waited for the receptionist to look up and acknowledge him. His head was pounding quite loudly now, and he didn't speak for fear of blowing his head up, which he was sure would be even more painful. Finally, the receptionist looked up and bellowed 'May I help you??' Flipper winced. 'Yeah,' he whispered. 'Where's the pool?' 'ARE YOU A REGISTERED GUEST?' boomed the receptionist. Flipper squirmed, wondering how such a powerful voice could come from such a small woman. 'Er, no...' whispered Flipper. 'YOU'LL HAVE TO REGISTER FIRST!' she yelled. Flipper wondered why nobody was looking, not realizing that it was only him who heard such a loud voice. 'Ok, ' he said, 'I'll take a single room please.' He put two hundred dollars on the desk. 'Is that ok to start?' The receptionist looked at the money. Flipper covered his ears in anticipation of the roar, and read her lips as she said 'That will do fine, here is your key.' She handed him a key, which Flipper put into his pouch. 'The pool?' he asked. She gave him a map, and pointed the pool out to him. Flipper looked at the complex maze of walls and passages, and was very grateful. He started following it immediately. Meanwhile the janitor had reached the ground floor, and screamed out 'MAD DOLPHIN! HELP! MAD DOLPHIN!!' Several patrons turned their heads and looked at him, snickering. 'Mad DOLPHIN?' they asked, continuing their game. The janitor raced around, suddenly spotting Flog and LSd in one of the cafeterias. He ran in, dripping small spots of blood from his arm. 'Excuse me, Sir, Ma'am?' he began. 'There's a bit of an emergency I think you should know about.' --- VortexNet v4.7a [1.1] * Origin: Evil Genius: Secret Engagement Plans? (1:163/227) SEEN-BY: 163/110 135 166 207 218 222 227 266 277 290 305 405 410 518 243/5 From: Flipper To: Neptune Msg #126, 09-Aug-92 08:35pm Subject: ahhh.... After half an hour of bumbling, wrong turns, and dizzy spells, Flipper finally located the pool. Or, as near as Flipper could tell from the map, maybe only A pool. Flipper didn't care. He removed his pouch and dived in. Flipper's headache seemed to vanished as the warm water enveloped his body. Sounds from the rest of the building faded away into the quiet lapping of the water against the pool edges. Flipper settled into the deep end and relaxed, coming up every three minutes for air. --- VortexNet v4.7a [1.1] * Origin: Evil Genius: Secret Engagement Plans? (1:163/227) SEEN-BY: 163/110 135 166 207 218 222 227 266 277 290 305 405 410 518 243/5 SEEN-BY: 243/9 [126] Lastest: 142. Press ENTER for NEXT msg. Echo area 24 ... Flog and LSd *Come* Here From: Cadomark To: Zoo Authorities Msg #127, 10-Aug-92 06:28pm Subject: Time Travel Cadomark swiftly jaunted up to his room to drop off his loot, then wandered down he hall. He saw a custodian dumping her implements of cleaning into a closet, so he patiently waited until she left, then he picked the lock and entered the chamber. He found himself in San Antonio, where things seemed rather drab and normal in the typical Yanqui way. He ducked the lard that was hurled from a naked man, the target of which obviously being a large breasted woman. He grabbed a newspaper and ducked back through the rift before it closed. Shaking his head with dismay, he stomped off to a quiet place to eat and think. He opened up the paper to a random page and read the first article that popped into view, pausing only momentarily to take bits from some bacon and eggs. SAN ANTONIO (Associated Press) Postal Authorities accused a former employee of the San Antonioo Zoo of having had sex with cats, dogs, horses, ponies, goats, sheep, cows, pigs, ducks, raccoons, gazelles, zebras, giraffes, elephants, hippotomi, and an oryx. Authorities allegedly have incriminating photographs of the 27 year old man. He had told an informant that he wanted a job at Sea World so he could have sex with a dolphin. His whereabouts are currently unknown. Cadomark's newspaper was crushed down by a huge, hairy hand. A pair of very feral-looking eyes glared at him from point-blank range. "I hear there's a dolphin in here," the man said, leaning back a little now that he had Cadomark's attention. "I'm very, very interested in dolphins." "I wouldn't know if there's one here or not," Cadomark replied, "but I can always ask around if you like." The man's eyes lit up in alarm. "Oh, no, that's quite alright, don't as around or anything," he stated with a definitive edge to his voice. "I'm sure I can find it on my own." "It will go faster this way," Cadomark returned. "Ahh... uhh, I'm just doing an independant study on them, and I really don't want to attract any attention." With that, the extremely large man headed out into the casino. Cadomark shrugged his shoulders, and continued eating his breakfast. --- Opus-CBCS 1.14 * Origin: A dream within a dream within a blueberry. (1:163/290.0) SEEN-BY: 163/135 207 290 305 405 410 518 243/9 [127] Lastest: 142. Press ENTER for NEXT msg. From: Lance Cankers Rec'd To: Hugh Jardon Msg #128, 29-Jul-92 08:05pm Subject: got any 2 bdrm suites? OK, I'll move in... Minutes, perhaps hours (in fact, it could have been days) passed by, and finally Lance looked up towards where Hugh stood asking him was he to stay, replying "uhhh s'what? Stay?" when he noticed there was nobody else in the room except what looked like a smoldering corpse of an android maid. Hugh had left long ago to meet his contractors. His head still beating from the drinking binge the night before and his bones aching from the weird favours of the android maid, Lance pulled himself up and headed for the door. He wandered into the hallway, stumbled to the elevator and pushed the down button. In no time, the bell rang and the door opened to reveal a whitish Cadomark, looking as if he'd seen a ghost (or Flog's naked butt). "I see you've met the brothel. Going down? I'll join you. I'm going to check in if there's a decent place in the whole shithouse. I'll need something a little more 'finished' than Hugh's pad, but I'm sure he'll come up with something." Cadomark, still looking like he'd been subjected to 4 hours something a little more 'finished' than Hugh's pad, but I'm sure he'll come up with something." Cadomark, still looking like he'd been subjected to 4 hours of Jim and Tammy Fay Baker lectures, mumbled something incoherent and pushed L for lobby. Lance realized he wasn't going to get a conversation going (and just as well) so he lowered his head and stared at the floor of the elevator, trying to lessen the weight resting on his cerebellum. It was a long 20 second ride to the front desk. --- Opus-CBCS 1.14 * Origin: Cankeropolis (1:163/218.0) SEEN-BY: 163/110 135 166 207 218 222 227 266 277 290 305 405 410 518 243/5 SEEN-BY: 243/9 [128] Lastest: 142. Press ENTER for NEXT msg. Echo area 24 ... Flog and LSd *Come* Here ECHOMAIL: [A C D N E R = L I M G F U ?]: From: Lance Cankers Rec'd To: Hugh Jardon Msg #129, 08-Aug-92 03:18pm Subject: Is today's paper in yet? Lance checked for messages at the front desk, coming up empty handed. Maybe that was best. Asking the on-duty clerk if they had received the daily newspapers, he knew from the frown the answer was no. Through the front doors he went, stepping over the body of an elderly lady (screaming something about being treated unfairly), and tripped over an open guitar case full of assorted coinage. He stooped and scooped what he could with one fell swoop, smiled to himself, and headed across the street to the paper vending box to pick up the latest edition. There was action going on in the lot in which Spike's Bar used to occupy....dozers and cranes tearing down and carting away the remnants of what was once a fertile watering hole; thinking of the interesting tales that were spawned from within it's walls, he mused to himself "Y'know, maybe this piece of property could use a new building - a modern day 4 storey dwelling....with a storefront". The sign next to the sidewalk read: For Rent - 150,000 sq.ft. Lance picked up the pace as he headed a few hundred paces to the nearest phone booth and promptly called the number offered on the rental sign. It was too good to be true. No concrete offers had preceded him, and he was scheduled to see the Corporation in an hour and a half. All he had to do now was get a shave and kill 90 minutes. --- Opus-CBCS 1.14 * Origin: Cankeropolis (1:163/218.0) SEEN-BY: 163/110 135 166 207 218 222 227 266 277 290 305 405 410 518 243/5 SEEN-BY: 243/9 [129] Lastest: 142. Press ENTER for NEXT msg. Echo area 24 ... Flog and LSd *Come* Here ECHOMAIL: [A C D N E R = L I M G F U ?]: From: Flipper Rec'd To: Cadomark Msg #130, 12-Aug-92 05:50am Subject: things that go bump Flipper looked around. Something wasn't quite right about the pool. He climbed out and looked at the water. It looked ok. He sniffed it. It smelled ok. He tasted it. 'Ah ha!' cheered Flipper. He walked across the pool deck to the phone on the wall and dialed room service. 'Hello, room service?' asked Flipper. 'Yes, can you send down about a hundred pounds of salt to the pool please?' He paused. 'What do you mean, "why do I want it?" What's it to you? Just get it here!' Flipper hung up disgustedly. **** At room service, the young lady hired to answer the phone sighed, and called a young bellboy over. 'John,' she said, 'would you go get a hundred pounds of salt out of the storeroom and deliver it to the pool?' 'A HUNDRED POUNDS?' asked the kid. 'What for??' 'A customer wants it. Wouldn't say why. Must be going for a heart attack or something.' The bellboy shrugged and trotted off to the storeroom. **** A large hairy man walked among the patrons of the casino, his eyes nervously darting back and forth, as if he were watching for something. He moved out of the casino area and headed towards the kitchen. **** Bob the janitor, having explained the situation to Flog and LSd (though not sure if they were listening), left the restaurant and headed to the hospital to have his arm taken care of. --- Opus-CBCS 1.14 * Origin: A dream within a dream within a blueberry. (1:163/290.0) SEEN-BY: 163/135 207 290 305 405 410 518 243/9 [130] Lastest: 142. Press ENTER for NEXT msg. From: Lady Stardust-Sonata To: Lance Cankers Msg #131, 12-Aug-92 10:28am Subject: once more into the breach Lance stopped to stare out a window where he saw construction being undergone. "So that's the last of Sp---" Cadomark screamed out and clamped a hand over Lance's mouth. "Stop it!" he bellowed. "Don't say the name of the 's' place here! We've all travelled long and far, many thousands of light years, to avoid the negative vibes of that place. Don't remind us of the horror." "But... but..." said Lance, pointing. "Isn't it just over there?" Cadomark looked at him with concern this time. "No, Lance, you don't understand. Don't you remember Flog and Hugh telling you how very far away it is, how it isn't in this street, this town, this country, this planet, this galaxy? It's sooo far away that if you tried to use a pair of panties to slingshot something there, the necessary size of the panties would rival Liz Taylor's." Confusion crept across Lance's face like a small scared animal. "I SEE it," he protested, pointing. "Lance," said Cadomark patiently, "that's a block of condos being put up by Apocalypse Incorporated. It has nothing to do with any old.. places." "But I see it..." Lance persisted, dazed, spittle trailing gently out of his mouth. "Shit," said Cadomark. "I didn't notice this soon enough!" He wildly stabbed at the buttons on the wall. "Room Service!" he shrieked. "I need two nurses and a stretcher at this location... we have someone suffering from Post-Breakoff-Syndrome..." The sirens began to wail and quickly two nurses arrived, with masks over their faces so as to not risk contamination. Now, dear reader, a word about Post-Breakoff-Syndrome, or PBS for short. It is a particularly vile disorder, forcing the sufferer to relive certain aspects of his life that have lead him in an inevitable spiral of doom. The memories begin as pleasant and desireable, perhaps even damply erotic, but that is just the hook. Once you are caught, you progress more and more quickly towards the moment at which you felt your very soul would be rent from your body in agony. Many people who came to Death's Place from another place have experienced this trauma about a certain bar located in some backwater galaxy. It has taken serious training and equipment, but at last facilities have been developed to restore these people to themselves, and the comforting knowledge that they have been hallucinating, and that this certain bar is in fact located farther away than any sane person would want to go to make sure it was in fact still there. At any rate, it is certainly far too distant to be seen by looking out the window of Death's Place. --- Opus-CBCS 1.14 * Origin: Too many fishies spoil my tum tum. (1:163/290.0) SEEN-BY: 163/135 207 290 305 405 410 518 243/9 [131] Lastest: 142. Press ENTER for NEXT msg. Echo area 24 ... Flog and LSd *Come* Here ECHOMAIL: [A C D N E R = L I M G F U ?]: From: Lance Cankers Rec'd To: Lady Stardust-Sonata Msg #132, 13-Aug-92 10:28pm Subject: Re: once more into the breach Shaking his head and making Wile E. Coyote sounds, Lance stared the masked attendants and Lady Stardust-Sonata with a paranoid look and blurted: "Holy shit! What was I thinking??! I certainly must've been hallucinating....in fact I thought I was down there on the street as well, not up here, with you!" "Woa..." said Lady, bracing Mr. Cankers in order to stop him from collapsing in a limp heap resembling chicken fat. "You'll get over it." "In any case" Lance muttered, spittle still shining on his teeth "I need a good stiff drink and some r & r, so why don't you leave me to get washed and changed, and I'll join you folks downstairs in a while. Who knows, maybe Crass will show up and he could entertain us with his Elvis impersonations?". All left the room same himself, and before heading for the bathroom, he stole a peak at today's paper (damn! was he really hallucinating earlier or not?!? and where did he get that paper?). An article on some deranged man from San Antonio Zoo caught his attention but not long enough to All left the room same himself, and before heading for the bathroom, he stole a peak at today's paper (damn! was he really hallucinating earlier or not?!? and where did he get that paper?). An article on some deranged man from San Antonio Zoo caught his attention but not long enough to distract him from stumbling towards the powder room. Lance tripped at the entrance and sent himself flying inside and straight into the ceramic tiles next to the shower. Blood began to spurt from the crack which ruptured along his cranial suture. "Dang!" was all that escaped through his teeth (aside from a piece of his tongue which he had bitten off and pituied in the fall). --- Opus-CBCS 1.14 * Origin: Cankeropolis (1:163/218.0) SEEN-BY: 163/110 135 166 207 218 222 227 266 277 290 305 405 410 518 243/5 SEEN-BY: 243/9 [132] Lastest: 142. Press ENTER for NEXT msg. Echo area 24 ... Flog and LSd *Come* Here ECHOMAIL: [A C D N E R = L I M G F U ?]: From: Cadomark Rec'd To: Flipper Msg #133, 15-Aug-92 01:55am Subject: Joseph is a jazzman. Cadomark quietly walked away, dismay quite visible on his face. He didn't expect the events to have turned the way they did, but shrugged them off nontheless. "PBS is a disturbing thing," he thought to himself, washing his hands in a tincture of iodine, lest he run the risk of contamination. In another part of the casino, an extraordinarily large man stalked through the casino with a very large basket of fish on his arm. He scanned the patrons with a practised eye, apparently looking for something that wasn't there. "Here Flippey flippey flippey," he muttered under his breath. He thought about the fish in the basket for a moment, and then, much to his dismay, saw a lump in the front of his pants. He peeked under the lid of the basket, looked around, and rushed into an empty stall in the bathroom. Joe Clark, hearing a weird sort of grunting that he was extremely unacquainted with, hastily zipped up his pants and left the urinal. "There'll probably be some sort of backlash from this," Cadomark thought to himself, having finished stterizilizing his body. "People will think this is overkill." The drummer for the Here People (or whatever) stood up, after the very last spider of the colony exited his body from his navel. "I've never been a mother before," he said, gazing fondly at the several hundred spiders that had clustered around him. The man stepped out of the bathroom stall, and examined a fish he held in his hand. It appeared somewhat... damaged. He peeped in the basket again, then shrugged. "Ah, what's one fish anyway?" he muttered, and tossed the ruined thing across the room. It landed with a wet thud and weird juices began to trickle from a number of openings on the carcass. He stepped out of the bathroom and grabbed the nearest person he could find. "Do you know where I can find the dolphin?" he asked as sweetly as his huge, hairy, and quite feral form would allow. ECHOMAIL: [A C D N E R = L I M G F U ?]: From: Flog Sonata To: Cadomaster Msg #134, 15-Aug-92 06:29pm Subject: That's the "LOOK PEOPLE", BUTT HEAD. The Look People drummer stared at the spiders crawling from his navel. They danced a circle around him, and they spoke with squeeky voices: "We spiders love a good joke We spiders love a good joke It takes 14 to make a hoax And each of us is but a spoke!" They chanted and sang and the drummer clapped his hands. he was locked in a bathroom stall, his pants around his ankles, standing up. Then the spiders crawled up the drummers legs and into his mouth. The drummer let them crawl in. It wasn't sexual, it wasn't romantic, but it was beautiful in a way. The drummer smiled as the last spider waltzed in, diving down into his stomach. The drummer looked up at the flickering lights above his head. Then down at his feet. He felt a sudden pain in his hand, and looked at it. Fur was sprouting from it. His cheeks itched, and when he touched it, there was a mandible growing from his cheek. Suddenly, the bathroom walls disapeared, and he was in a barren field. His arms and legs turned into spider legs, and four mour limbs sprouted from his side, and the drummer was now a giant spider. He flexed his limbs and scanned the horizon with his many many eyes. "Scchh" he said, for he was no longer capable of speech. Then suddenly, from no where, roman soldiers came out, carrying a wooden cross. "Get him!" yelled a soldier. They rushed forward and grabbed the spider. The cross had extra spokes on it, so that it looked more like a pinwheel than a corss, but the spider knew what was coming, so when the soldiers nailed the giant spider to the cross, he didn't flinch, but just gritted his mandibles together. The cross was raised into the air, and the spider dripped greenish-blue blood from his eight punctured limbs. The nails were made of gold, and glowed in the bright sunlight. "Shit," the drummer/spider said, "Like, ow. Fuck." "Any last words, spider beast?" a roman soldier said. "Uh," the drummer muttered. Suddenly, the bathroom snapped back into place. The drummer had fallen face first into the urinal and someone was slapping his face, trying to get him to come to. "Any last words, before you drown in urine?" someone said. The drummer opened his eyes and looked up at Richard Visage. "Ouch," the drummer said. "One wicked acid trip you've had," Uncle V muttered. "I saw the shadow," the drummer mumbled. "The what?" "The shadow that we're in. It's annoying. We need a big flashlight or something, maybe it'll fade away. But shadows don't fade, we fade into shadows, or..." "Oh just fuck off," RV groaned, and threw the drummer into the urinal. --- Opus-CBCS 1.14 * Origin: Too many fishies spoil my tum tum. (1:163/290.0) SEEN-BY: 163/135 207 290 305 405 410 518 243/9 From: Flog Sonata To: Uncle Visage Msg #135, 15-Aug-92 06:47pm Subject: Drowning in my own urine, FUN FUN FUN. Meanwhile... "Knight takes rook, you mother fucker!" Flog screamed. "Checkmate," Reg said, and smacked Flog with his scythe. "Ow!" Flog welped. "So how many souls do you owe me now?" Reg giggled. "Good thing I believe in reincarnation," Flog thought as he set up the pieces again. Meanwhile... --- Opus-CBCS 1.14 * Origin: Too many fishies spoil my tum tum. (1:163/290.0) SEEN-BY: 163/135 207 290 305 405 410 518 243/9 From: Flipper To: Room Service Msg #136, 16-Aug-92 11:57am Subject: salt The bellboy stopped pushing the cart laden with large bags of salt, wiped some sweat off his brow, and knocked on the door to the pool. The he opened the door and pushed the salt into the room. 'Here is your salt, sir.' The bellboy stopped and looked around the quiet pool room. It seemed to be empty. 'Hello?' he called. There was a sudden splash from the far end of the olympic sized pool. Whirling around, he saw a large dolphin leaping from the water, and then swimming towards him. He took a step back. 'This place has everything..' he thought in awe. The dolphin reached the end of the pool and leapt up again. The boy stepped back, seeing the dolphin was going to land on the deck, which it did, standing upright. 'Good, you have my salt,' said Flipper. 'Charge it to my room.' The bellboy's eyes widened. 'Uh, er, um, uh, ye..yes, uh, sir.' Flipper looked closly at the bellboy. 'You never seen a dolphin before?' he demanded. 'No, I mean yes!' stammered the bellboy. 'Well, then be on your way!' The bellboy put out his hand. 'What do you want now?' asked Flipper. 'Uh, it's customary to tip, sir.' Flipper became very annoyed. He was willing to spend his money on stuff he wanted, but not give it to people for doing their jobs. 'You want a tip?' asked Flipper. The bellboy nodded. 'OK,' said Flipper, 'never stuff cucumbers up your nostrils. Now get out of here!' The bellboy glared at Flipper, then turned and left. Flipper began dumping the salt into the pool. --- Opus-CBCS 1.14 * Origin: And then I raised the sword over the man's penis. (1:163/290.0) SEEN-BY: 163/135 207 290 305 405 410 518 243/9 *** There's a reply!. See #137. [136] Lastest: 142. Press ENTER for NEXT msg. Echo area 24 ... Flog and LSd *Come* Here ECHOMAIL: [A C D N E R = L I M G F U ?]: From: Cadomark Rec'd To: Flipper Msg #137, 16-Aug-92 08:21pm Subject: It's customary to tip 15% or 30 degrees. The bellboy stormed out of the pool room, muttering beneath his breath. "Fargin'rargin'sormin'freekin dope-phin phurkin'murkin'," quoth he, or so it sounded to the narrator, who really wasn't paying attention at the time, being too engrossed with Brandy's mammary glands. The bellboy stomped out into the elevator, and since he wasn't really looking were he was going, he slammed into a very tall man who's face was red and slightly bleeding in places. The man wasn't looking were he was going either. The bellboy looked the man over in concern. Every single pore on the man's body had secreted a tiny droplet of blood. "Wha, what happened to you?" asked the bellboy. "Oh, some artist was impressed with my physique," replied the huge man, "and he wanted to take a plaster casting of my body. Of course he neglected the fact that bod y hair tends to get caught in the plaster." The bellboy had a sort of blank look on his face. "Ever waxed your legs?" asked the big man. "It's something like that." The bellboy started edging away from the man. "Fuck, this is a shitty day," he muttered again. "Weird men and talking dolphins. God..." "DOLPHINS!?" interrupted the man, a look of extreme excitement building on his face. "WHERE?!" The bellboy gave the man directions. He could hardly contain himself with his excitement. As the man turned to leave the elevator, the bellboy held out his hand. "Tip me," he said. The huge man arched an eyebrow, picked up the bellboy, and tilted him way over. He then dropped him to the floor in his excitement and ran off. The bellboy muttered some fairly impressive and innovative curses, and slammed the elevator doors shut. --- Opus-CBCS 1.14 * Origin: And then I raised the sword over the man's penis. (1:163/290.0) SEEN-BY: 163/135 207 290 305 405 410 518 243/9 *** Witty reply to msg #136. [137] Lastest: 142. Press ENTER for NEXT msg. Echo area 24 ... Flog and LSd *Come* Here ECHOMAIL: [A C D N E R = L I M G F U ?]: From: Hugh Jardon To: All Msg #138, 18-Aug-92 05:36am Subject: Waking up still drunk... whee Hugh woke up in a daze, apparently in the brothel, which he hadn't visited in his memory. A couple of the girls cooed over him, saying "Happy Birthday, yet again..." Hugh looked at his watch. "My birthday was five days ago!" "And you've been here the whole time," one of the girls answered, "and you're such a darling customer." Hugh couldn't remember anything about the last few days (nay, weeks), and tried to shake the cobwebs out of his head, only leading to some minor brain hemmoraging. "Oh, shit!" he thought, "did Metal Rob's apartment get done? And what about Lance?" Hugh got up, ready to leave, then noticed he wasn't wearing his clothes; all he had on were some pieces of latex and rubber, and not the kind of thing he wore normally. He dressed quickly, and left, being showered with kisses by the various... women. "Come back, soon now..." they screamed, reminding him he had to charge PK to kiss him at some point for them. Hugh grabbed an elevator and went up to Rob's apartment, finding it completed to his specs. It even had a custom elevator to the roof for Rob's rather unique vehicle... "Very considerate of them to put that in," Hugh muttered to himself. He was thinking of decorating, and thought better of it. Hugh simply called his favourite audio shop to have a 50000 watt system installed, as Metal Rob specified. He quickly exited, and started to look for Lance. Passing several brain dead people who were trying to figure out the complex elevator system, he pulled out his pocket TV which was directly hooked into the security camera systems. He found Lance in the casino. "Lance, sorry I disappeared on you like that, but shit happens. I don't even remember most of it this time." "Oh, that's all right. The rest of AI has been entertaining me, and helping me get over my PBS." "Good to hear, Lance. It takes a lot of strength to get over that... hope the withdrawl hasn't been too bad." At this moment, the pissed off bellboy came by, and screamed some obscenities at Hugh. Hugh looked at his angry face, grabbed him by the that... hope the withdrawl hasn't been too bad." At this moment, the pissed off bellboy came by, and screamed some obscenities at Hugh. Hugh looked at his angry face, grabbed him by the collar, and poured one of Brandy's *special* drinks down his throat. The bellboy slumped to the ground, steam pouring out of every pore in his body. "Some people... can't get good help nowadays." Lance nodded gravely. LSd's nails could suddenly be felt in Hugh's neck. "And where have YOU been?" --- Opus-CBCS 1.14 * Origin: Believe in NOTHING, accept EVERYTHING, trust ME. (1:163/290.0) SEEN-BY: 163/135 207 290 305 405 410 518 243/9 *** There's a reply!. See #139. [138] Lastest: 142. Press ENTER for NEXT msg. Echo area 24 ... Flog and LSd *Come* Here ECHOMAIL: [A C D N E R = L I M G F U ?]: From: Lady Stardust-Sonata Rec'd To: Hugh Jardon Msg #139, 18-Aug-92 02:39pm Subject: I am having a bad day Hugh turned around slowly and painfully as blood began to seep from the nails in his neck. "Oh, uh, hi LSd," he said weakly. "I'm not LSd," she snapped, "I'm Galatea. Go off with a hundred babes without me for a week, see if I care." "Well, what about *you* and your *Colt Birdman*?" Hugh flared back as his hangover began to play gongs on his cerebellum. "What *about* Colt Birdman?" Gala screamed. "He's just someone from work, isn't that okay? It's not like I'm sleeping with him or anything." "Oh yeah? Well, wait for it. I bet you've got a hundred bouquets of roses from him and magnums of champagne and... well, I can do that too, but I don't need to *buy* my women." "Fuck you," said Gala succintly, and ran off. * * * "Achuh achuh," coughed LSd, lying in the enormous double bed that graced the penthouse of her and Flog. She weakly raised her hand to signal to the maid that she would like some more triple chilled screwdriver. There were a hundred bouquets of roses from Flog, who had raided all the florists in the city as soon as LSd had taken ill. The roses were in the blush of health, the ferns were delicately decorative, the scent was exquisite, everything was perfect... "Achuh achuh," LSd coughed again, looking around through enervated eyes. Yes, this was the perfect environment to recover in, even the cats were taking advantage of it... waitasec, what's that? "Ariadne! Cassandra!" LSd screamed hoarsely to her two cats, perched cheerfully in the midst of ferns, chewing happily and occasionally vomitting on the carpet. "Auugh!" LSd screamed, leaping out of bed and lunging at the two beasts. "See this?" she rasped, beating their heads against a table, "see this fern? see these flowers? these are a NO!" Then she threw them into a bathroom and slammed the door, only to pass out. "Meow?" woke her about three hours later. "Meeeeeooooowwwww..." "Shut UP!" LSd rasped at them, hissing ferociously, and slamming the door again. "Meooow?" LSd opened the bathroom door, weakly fell to the tiles, and flung her own blood all over the cats. "SSSSSSSSSS!" she siblated. Three hours later, she let them out, and had a shower. When she came out of the shower, they were merrily picking their teeth with the stems of a fern. LSd grabbed them, threw them into the bathtub, tied them to the shower curtain, turned the shower on, shut the door, fell on the bed and burst into tears. --- Opus-CBCS 1.14 * Origin: Believe in NOTHING, accept EVERYTHING, trust ME. (1:163/290.0) SEEN-BY: 163/135 207 290 305 405 410 518 243/9 *** Witty reply to msg #138. [139] Lastest: 142. Press ENTER for NEXT msg. From: Metal Rob To: Hugh Jardon Msg #140, 18-Aug-92 09:40pm Subject: Waking up still drunk...as usual ***** Close the curtains and turn out the lights Beneath my wing it's gonna be alright A little secret just for you and me I've got the kind of toys you've never seen Manmade and a bit obscene Little angel come and sit upon my knee ***** Rob was relaxing to 'mood' music in the back of the bus, after having a wonderful week of pleasure on the planet Free. "Shit" Rob stated matter-of-factly. "I guess I better haul ass to the casino before that Jardon fellow has a kitten about the money." With that, Rob snapped his fingers, well, tried to snap 'em, as he was hopelessly plastered again. The Bimbettes that surrounded him understood the gesture though. They helped him up to his feet, and helped him up to the door at the front of the bus. The sign above the door gloriously proclaimed "The COCKpit" in royal script. (and people say Rob has no sense of Art.) "AVSIM, you lousy fuck, call up the info on that casino place, that I have set up residence in. Please." Yes, he *did* know how to be polite. AVSIM unit Online. **** CASINO INFORMATION FOLLOWS: Owned by Arrmegeddon Inc. Located in the ABBOTS Constellation. Has many brothels, bars, booze, wenches, did I mention Booze? Warning: Flog Sonata Zone. **** END REPORT "Hokay, plot the course, reguardless of the Flog Factor, and make the speed Warp 8, just for laughs." Rob sat down in a large chair that looked familiar somehow. Rob made a weeny hand gesture. "AVSIM, Engage." ECHOMAIL: [A C D N E R = L I M G F U ?]: From: Drunk Metal Rob To: Jean-Luc Picard Msg #141, 18-Aug-92 08:37pm Subject: get outta my Fucking way! **** - Hellraiser, in the thunder and heat Hellraiser, rock you back in your seat Hellraiser, and I'll make it come true Hellraiser, I'll put a spell on you **** Rob had his 'driving' music on the speakers, while he whipped up another drink. A drink appeared in front of him. "I'm getting better at this" he thought. He downed the drink, called a 'StarBurst Fusion Buster' in another galaxy. **** AVSIM WARNING: **** Large-ish object in flight path **** Should I hit the brakes? "Circle it! Quick, or I'll throw you into an Atari!" he screamed. Alas, Rob forgot their velocity. Imagine going around in circles around a starship that looks similar to the Enterprise. *Very* similar. Okay, now remember that they were at Warp 8. Uh huh. On board the Enterprise, which was quite unstable due to the antics of an inebreated sysop, the big huge alien security chief Woof was trying desparately to stabilize. "Captain, there is a massive warp field being generated around the ship!" The captain, grasping the situation with his keen intellect, barked an order. "Stabilize!" Woof muttered under his breath, "No shit, sir." "Halloooooooooo! Anyone dere?" blasted over the ships intercom. The Captain held his head in pain. "Oh fuck. Not him. Not Metal. Shit, I prefer Q to this guy." Lucky for our balding captain, Rob was getting dizzy and decided to continue home. "AVSIM, beam some cow doo-doo onto their bridge, then continue on our planned course." Rob grinned evilly. Even though he probably couldn't spell it. **** AVSIM INFORMATIONAL: **** estimated E.T.A. 0.5 hours present speed. **** estimated fuel left: 0.5 hours worth. **** what a coincidence! --- Maximus 2.01wb * Origin: The purpose of life is to be drunk. :*) (1:163/310) SEEN-BY: 163/110 135 150 166 207 218 222 227 266 277 290 305 310 400 401 SEEN-BY: 163/405 410 518 243/5 9 [141] Lastest: 142. Press ENTER for NEXT msg. Echo area 24 ... Flog and LSd *Come* Here ECHOMAIL: [A C D N E R = L I M G F U ?]: From: Shitfaced Metal Rob To: Mike Rodych Msg #142, 18-Aug-92 09:42pm Subject: Damn those phucking torpedoes! **** - Old MacDonald had a farm Ei Ei O And on this farm he had some sheep Ei Ei O. With a Baa Baa here, and a Baa Baa there Here a Baa, there a Baa Everywhere a Baa Baa **** "Fucking State-of-the-art Multiple CD Player" Rob muttered, as he ripped the speaker from the wall. He wondered how Richard's disk got mixed in with his collection. **** AVSIM INFORMATIONAL: **** E.T.A. 10 minutes **** Present speed: Warp 8.2 **** Your place or mine? Meanwhile, at the beautiful casino, business was brisk as usual. The lineup outside wrapped around the block once again, as people were being admitted into the various bars, brothels, church picnics, etc. Flog looked around at the crowds and said "Looks like a good turnout." Hugh was walking towards him, holding a cellular phone at the end of his arm, and listening to it. He screamed, "YA, WE'LL BE READY FOR YA GUY." He quickly shut off the phone, and looked at Flog. "Metal Rob arrives tonight." Flog looked worried. "Um, should be get prepared, or something? Does anything need to be done? Like, is this some cheap forshadowing technique?" Hugh looked around a bit, and shrugged. "All I know is he's arriving in a 'Spacebus'. Now whatever that entails is certainly beyond my underst..." The casino began to vibrate. Rob was grinning from ear to ear. "Ain't dis fun! Wheeeeoooooo!" he shouted, as he buzzed the street in front of the casino. At warp 4. "WheeeeoooOOOOO!!!! Fuckin A!". People ran screaming into the building, trampling the slower ones underneath them. General mayhem. It was great. **** AVSIM ALERT **** FUEL LEVEL CRITICAL **** 30 SECONDS UNTIL SHUTDOWN **** I PEE'D MY CHIPS..... Rob nearly panicked. "O.K. then! Now where the HELL is the landing pad fer this thang??! AHA! Dere it is." Rob swiftly landed the Bus on the SpaceBusPort at the very top of the casino. Unfortunately, the SpaceBrakes are powered by the IonDrive, and when it ran out of fuel.... The rear of the SBP was un-artfully rearranged. The Bus had imbedded itself halfway into the wall of the port, thus destroying the wall. (neat!) The Bus was still intact, thank the Ghods. Rob was also un-artfully rearranged on the inside of the SpaceWindShield. It hurt. ........ --- Maximus 2.01wb * Origin: The purpose of life is to be drunk. :*) (1:163/310) SEEN-BY: 163/110 135 150 166 207 218 222 227 266 277 290 305 310 400 401 SEEN-BY: 163/405 410 518 243/5 9 [142] Lastest: 142 Echo area 24 ... Flog and LSd *Come* Here ECHOMAIL: [A C D N E R = L I M G F U ?]: From: Flipper To: Large Hairy Perverts Msg #143, 19-Aug-92 07:58am Subject: maybe next time I'll tip... Flipper dumped the last of the salt into the pool and watched it dissolve. He dived into the water and sighed with pleasure. The salt content was just right, and Flipper felt right at home. Suddenly he heard the door open. He sped to the surface and looked. A large man had entered the room, and was looking anxiously around. He soon saw Flipper's head poking out of the water. 'the Dolphin!!' he cheered. 'Get out of here!' yelled Flipper. 'I'm not on show here!' The man locked the door and turned around. 'Take it easy,' he said. 'This won't take long...' *** Meanwhile, the obnoxious busboy counted the tip he had just received from a man in a janitor's uniform. The man's arm had been in a sling, and there was blood on the money, but it was still spendable. He returned to the service desk, where he was tasked to carry two large suitcases up to someone's room. The boy looked at the man's plaid suit and striped tie and chuckled to himself. Then he picked up the suitcases. 'Right this way, sir' he said, counting on a big tip. *** Flipper moved back from the advancing man. He had been forced from the pool and was running out of room on the deck. The man advanced relentlessly. 'What the HELL do you want from me??' demanded Flipper, with a hint of nervousness. The man stopped, and unzipped his fly. 'I'm going to have sex with you.' he said. Flipper screamed a silent scream, and backed even further. He bumped into the wall and saw he had backed into the corner, and he looked wildly around for a way out. 'Don't try to resist.' said the man. 'The zebra resisted. I took care of it.' 'But I'm MALE!' insisted Flipper. The man shook his head. 'So was the zebra.' He advanced another step. Flipper saw nothing in immediate reach that might help. 'Don't I get a last request?' he whimpered. 'I'm not going to kill you,' said the man, 'only fuck you. Now hold still.' The man reached forward to grab Flipper. Suddenly the door to the pool was smashed open. The man whirled around, startled. Flipper took advantage of the distraction to leap up over the man, doing a neat double-corkscrew and landing upright. He started racing toward the door, but stopped dead when a man in overalls and an arm sling ran in, followed closely by two men with rifles. 'THERE HE IS!!' screamed the janitor. 'The mad dolphin! SHOOT HIM!! SHOOT HIM!!!' Flipper squealed with fright and dived to the floor, where he covered his head with his flippers. Two rifle shots rang out almost simultaeously, and Flipper heard a thud behind him. 'You idiots!! You missed!!' screamed the janitor. Flipper jumped up and raced towards the door. The janitor's eyes opened wide in fear. 'Look out!! He's attacking!!' he screamed as he jumped out of the way. The riflemen also jumped out of the way, and Flipper disappeared into the twisting hallways of Death's. --- Opus-CBCS 1.14 * Origin: Believe in everything, accept nothing, eat me. (1:163/290.0) [143] Lastest: 143 Echo area 24 ... Flog and LSd *Come* Here ECHOMAIL: [A C D N E R = L I M G F U ?]: From: Hugh Jardon To: Pretzel Shaped Metal Rob Msg #144, 20-Aug-92 04:12am Subject: Re: You're going to cause havoc here, aren't you? Hugh raced into the towering complex carrying the phone still, and grabbed for a GUN. Unfortunately, he couldn't find one, so he just grabbed his little Glock 11, and jumped into one of the jet- propelled elevators; he was on the roof in 20 seconds flat. The doors opened, and Hugh got sick. After doing his duty, he ran to the SpacebusPort, cocking the pistol and hit the door release. It opened with a bad sci-fi , and 60 giggly bubble-headed-built-like-brick-shipyard-blondes fell on top of him. Hugh pondered the possibility of not going inside for a second as he was completely smothered by these metal-babes (really, ONLY for a second), then pushed his way inside. Hugh found Metal Rob bent around the pilot's chair, the control stick, and a 6 foot tall blonde's legs. "You motherfucker! You're late! You owe me 28 000% interest!" Hugh screamed, pointing the gun at Rob's forehead. "Hey dude, sorry about that, but the galaxy I was in was just waaaaay too much fun." Loud music was continuing to play because of the backup power supply. It annoyed Hugh enough for him to start firing at random parts of the SpaceStereo. Rob tried to stop him, but Hugh pointed his pistol at him again. "In all that excitement, I can't remember whether I fired 12, or 13 shots. Now you gotta ask yourself, 'Do I feel lucky?'" Rob groaned. "Sorry, I just had to do that," Hugh said somewhat smiling in a grimacing sort of way, and helping Rob up. "Your apartment's ready and waiting. But you DO owe me 30 000% interest..." "Hey, a second ago, you said 28000%." "You're wasting time, man... the rate of interest changes by the second..." The two of them stepped out of the SpaceBus into a horde of girls doing their hair and makeup. "Um," Hugh said, "are all these people staying in your apartment as well, Rob?" "But of course... where else?" "Well, leave them up here for a second, and I'll show you your new flat... I think you'll like it." The two shot down to the 100th floor, and Hugh led Rob to a huge steel door. "Specially soundproofed for you..." Hugh muttered. "Give me your finger for a sec..." Hugh took Rob's index finger, pressed it to the electronic entry and punched in a 25 number code. "There, keyless entry system, of course... you have complete control over this room now." The door slid upwards, exposing a double height, concrete room. The room was about 3000 square feet, and showed no sign of life. "You'll find the stereo system in here to be to your taste, I'm sure." said Hugh flatly. He showed Rob the 2 inch plate steel case in which the system was installed, rack-mount style. "It's like your AVSIM module, and is thus voice activated... hold on, let's close your front door first..." --- Opus-CBCS 1.14 * Origin: Believe in Dan Quayle, accept restaurant bills. (1:163/290.0) SEEN-BY: 163/135 207 290 305 405 410 518 243/9 *** Witty reply to msg #142. [144] Lastest: 145. Press ENTER for NEXT msg. Echo area 24 ... Flog and LSd *Come* Here From: Hugh Jardon To: Soon To Be Deaf Metal Rob Msg #145, 20-Aug-92 04:30am Subject: You're going to love it here, though. The door slid shut, very precisely, creating a perfect seal between Metal Rob's room, and the rest of the building. "Sound system power up." said Hugh. A slight hum could be heard from behind a metal grate next to the stereo system. Rob took a closer look, to find behind the grate were 28 Bryston amplifiers, all powering up. Air was being sucked in through the grating by huge fans to cool the amps. "Tone test please - 8Hz to 25000Hz." The room shook as the sub-woofers installed in the ceiling kicked in, then the 20 inch bass bins, the mids, then finally the highs, and bullet tweeters. Both of their clothes rustled from the sound waves moving through the space. "I know you like it loud," said Hugh, "so the system here consists of 8 sub's, 8 bass cannons, 10 bass cabinets with 4 20" speakers per cabinet, 14 mid's, 12 highs, 8 horns, and 8 tweeter cabinets with 8 bullet tweeters per cabinet. All custom designed, and built for this room. The system has a CD changer which will change 400 CD's for you, 32 band equalizer per channel, and you've noticed the amps already. DAT, DCD, regular cassete, DJ quality turntable, they're all there. And the maximum output is 50 000 watts... in this room, that's about 180dB. Enjoy." Rob scraped his jaw off of the floor. "Anything else I should know about?" "Jacuzzi, of course, full kitchen, industrial strength, the rest you should be able to find by walking around. Everything's made industrial strength 'cause I don't feel like having to repair everything every day... oh, and of course, you have a full wet bar which has been fully stocked - 2 cases of each type of hard liquor, and 60 cases of various beer. There's an industrial ice-maker for making mixed drinks. Anything else you need, ring for service - your credit rating will be approved... as soon as you pay me... I think the agreed bill was $2.6 million... you can pay the interest over time." Hugh sighed. "Anyway, I gotta go... anything else?" --- Opus-CBCS 1.14 From: Rajah Fyre To: Flipper Msg #146, 20-Aug-92 08:52am Subject: Where's my manager??? A deep boom registered in the dark recesses of my mind... And then another. This could not be allowed.... Something disturbed my sleep and that person has to pay. Arising from my slumber, I quickly began swimming up through the murky depths of the pool, one thought perservering through my muddled brain... "Funny, there wasn't salt in here when I went to sleep... What's the deal?" * * * The pool began to bubble, and an over-powering sense of evil seemed to leak out from it as someone... Maybe something... seemed to be reaching the surface... Whatever it was, it was bad. Very bad. Worse than 0.5% Beer being forced down your throat by your 80 year old grandmother in a g-string. It was bad... And Rajah was mad! Reaching the surface, I summoned all my strength and leapt from the pool, landing on the poolside, looking to see who would be the first victem of my wrath... Hmmm.... "Let's see. We have some strange big guy with his zipper down, some guy with a shotgun, some strange kid that seems to be frothing and muttering some word over and over and over, and what appears to be a strange grey slug that is running across the pool deck screaming while trying to clutch a towel over where it's privies should be..." Blink (Long pause) Blink (Longer pause) Rajah is confused. Quickly reaching into his pocket, he pulls out a copy of his contract and begins leafing throughthe pages quickly... "Hmmm.... No, not the reaming clause, I think it's after that... No, that's the no enima clause (good one, that). Here it is! The maiming clause! Let's see (reading now)... Minimum requirements, three children, or 6 small animals per day, and a mango..." A quick glance summarized his thinking. No children, no small furry animals... AND NOT EVEN A FREAKIN' MANGO!!! Worst of all, I made an awesome entry, and everyone seems to be ignoring me!! This can't stand! Working myself into a fury, I quickly began walking down the same hallway as that strange grey slug, hoping that at least he knew where the manager would be. --- Opus-CBCS 1.14 * Origin: Believe in Dan Quayle, accept restaurant bills. (1:163/290.0) SEEN-BY: 163/135 207 290 305 405 410 518 243/9 *** Witty reply to msg #143. From: Metal Rob To: Hugh Jardon Msg #147, 20-Aug-92 03:21pm Subject: You fergot the kitchen sink dood Rob looked around the place, taking it all in. Yes, a little decorating, some dried vomit on the floor, it'll be perfect, he thought. Just like home. "Sure guy, it'll do for now. Here, put my bill on this" Rob said, handing Hugh an Ionian Platinum Gold Card. Hugh took it eagerly, not noticing the name on the bottom, 'Richard Visage'. "Thanks Rob, we'll do lunch or something." Hugh muttered, eargerly anticipating running the card through the card machine a few times. Rob watched him leave, and quickly sealed the door after him. "Mine. All mine. Mine-mine. Okay, time to party. Uh, STEREO, load up complete collection of Alice Cooper, Ozzy Ozbourne, Metallica, and Devo for starters, play on my mark. Uh, AVSIM2, send party invitations globally to all casino patrons, excluding ugly babes. Well, invite LSd too. (Editors note, GRIN). Ok, lets check out that bar." Rob sauntered over to the bar, drool dripping off his lips. He grabbed the first bottle of 'Phaser Phire' he saw and downed half of it. "AH!" Rob sighed, feeling mellow. He set out 2 dozen bottles of various boozes, 12 cases of beer, and some pop, for mixers. "Now, to decorate!" Rob went over to the turbolift on the other side of the room, and as the doors closed around him, he gave directions to the SBP. He was immediately flattened onto the floor as the thing whooshed upwards. At the SpaceBusPort, he opened up the baggage comartment, and started to unpack...... Meanwhile, the invitations were circulating quite rapidly throughout the casino..... --- msgedsq 2.1 * Origin: So what is going on here? (1:163/310) SEEN-BY: 163/110 135 150 166 207 218 222 227 266 277 290 305 310 400 401 From: Metal Rob To: Red Vette Msg #148, 20-Aug-92 03:41pm Subject: Party at Robs, bring condoms Rob had finished packing the lift with supplies from the various planets he visited, and jumped in and said, "Pad please". Rob then hit the ceiling, thinking, "I gotta adjust this...". He got off the lift and started throwing decorations around. Nude posters of various female aquaintances landed on the wall (well over 100 of 'em). Tables landed on the floor at strategic places, lots of other furniture flew out of the lift, landing perfectly in the room. Various sexual implenents landed on the tables, some of them were even intended for humans. Rob surveyed the destruct..er, the well laid out room. "Good fucking God. Ok, STEREO, mark already!" Throughout the casino, lights dimmed noticeably....... And as the music started, the SpaceBusBabes started bounding out of the lift..... --- msgedsq 2.1 * Origin: So what is going on here? (1:163/310) SEEN-BY: 163/110 135 150 166 207 218 222 227 266 277 290 305 310 400 401 SEEN-BY: 163/405 410 518 243/5 9 [148] Lastest: 148 Echo area 24 ... Flog and LSd *Come* Here From: Flipper To: Rajah Msg #149, 21-Aug-92 04:33am Subject: well, maybe not yet Flipper slowed his pell-mell pace through the twisting halls. He leaned against the wall and paused to catch his breath, listening carefully for sounds of pursuit. Hearing nothing immediately behind him, he sent out a few sonar bursts, for longer range. Unfortunately the bends and turns in the hall confused and distorted the signal, and Flipper could tell nothing from that. He moved onward, and headed for the Casino, hoping he would find someone who might help him. He realized with dismay he had left his pouch in the pool room, and with it, all his money. He reached the reception desk, and got an idea. He asked the woman to please send a bellboy to the pool to get his pouch, and bring it to his room. He also requested she page Flog and LSd and ask them to meet him at his room. He then nervously went to the elevator and pressed the up button. --- Opus-CBCS 1.14 * Origin: Believe in Dan Quayle, accept restaurant bills. (1:163/290.0) [149] Lastest: 149 Echo area 24 ... Flog and LSd *Come* Here ECHOMAIL: [A C D N E R = L I M G F U ?] : From: Rajah Fyre Rec'd To: Flipper Msg #150, 21-Aug-92 09:19am Subject: Where to boss? Flipper, panting heavily, and on the verge of collapsing to the ground in exhaustion, manages to enter the thankfully empty elevator while still strangely clutching the towel to his privvies. Keeping one fluke kind of clutching to the towel in a strange sort of dolphin like way, he managed to finally beat the elevator panel until the right button flashed up. (Stupid hotels... Only cater to humans!!) The elevator lerched upwards, letting a series of creaks and groans behind it, while inside, Flipper is subjected to the melodious sounds of Papodopolouses Rendition of the Greek Passage of the Fruit Fly in E or F major (depending on how he feels). Soon the elevator comes to a sudden stop as the doors woosh open, sending the poor dolphin into an airborne launch out of the doors where he loses his towels, and lands in the midst of a grade 8 class of giggling girls, resplendant in their bathing suits, braces, and acne... (Pause) (Stares are exchanged....) One of the girls finally manages to sputter something... "Wha.... Wha... What in the world is that? It's grey.... And has those flukey things... But that thing, sticking out from it... The grey stick thing there... I KNOW! IT'S A DOLPHIN!" (Pandemonium kicks in as another poor, cute little dolphin is subsequently mobbed by the grade 8's screaming "Oh, it's so cute!", and "Look, it's extending it's....") Meanwhile, cries of "Where's my Mango? My manager promised me a Mango!" echo somewhere down the hallway. --- Opus-CBCS 1.14 * Origin: Believe in Dan Quayle, accept restaurant bills. (1:163/290.0) SEEN-BY: 163/135 207 290 305 405 410 518 243/9 *** Witty reply to msg #149. From: Lacy Lover To: Huge Hardon Msg #153, 21-Aug-92 05:32pm Subject: Is There a Doctor in The House After standing in front of the elevators for about 20 minutes after pushing the big button, Lacy gets impatient. "Goddammn friggin thing. Does nothing work around this damn place?" she mutters, "Guess I'm gonna have to take the bloody stairs again. Man, I tell you..." She walks down the long red velvet carpeted hallway towards a door marked "STAIRS" and pushes, open, the heavy door. Panting away, Lacy climbs the stairs up to the twentieth floor, stopping every fifty steps to swear and curse the bloody owners. She gets to the 18th floor and tells herself, "Whew! Huge is gonna have a shit if I don't get up there today. Come on old girl, only two more floors to go". She forces her tired legs to take her up the next two floors. Pausing at the door to apt.# 2069, she tries to regain her composure. The door opens and Huge Hardon is standing there, angry, "Well what took you so bloody long? You think I have all day to sit up here, admiring your mirrors?" "Um...er...ugh...." she tries to speak but is unable to. As she takes a step forward, she collapses into the arms of Huge Hardon, from sheer exhaustion. "Come on girl, wake up. This is not the time to sleep", Huge starts slapping her face vigorously. After shaking the daylights out of her for about five minutes, he finally concludes that she's unconcious and carrying her into the bedroom, tosses her onto the king-sized waterbed. He is about to reach for the phone on the bedside table, in amongst various sexual toys, when he catches a glimpse of his tie in the mirror-tiles adorning the far wall. He gets up and walks closer to the mirror with a smile on his face, "Sure was nice of LSD to get me this tie for my birthday" he mutters to himself. He reaches his hand down and starts to fondle it., "I sure like the way the breasts seem to sway when I walk." The tie hung down to his waist and on it was a picture of a nude woman. He traces her body from her shoulder down to her feet with his finger. "Enough of this for now. I shall get to you later my sweets...but for now..." He walks back to the bedside table and tossing some assorted vibrators onto the bed to get to the phone, he calls the clerk at the front desk. ...... "Hello? Front Desk, Mr. Slimeball speaking?" comes a mumbled voice over the phone as the clerk munches away at a toblerone. "This is Mr. Hardon in Suite 2069. I need a doctor up here right away!" "Uh er, I'm sorry Mr. Hardon, but I'm just starting my break now. Could you call back in another 15 minutes, and I'll page Dr. Duck for you then?" Lacy --- GoldED 2.40 * Origin: DUCK me with your BILL!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!! (1:163/401) SEEN-BY: 163/110 135 150 166 207 218 222 227 266 277 290 305 310 400 401 SEEN-BY: 163/405 410 518 243/5 9 *** There's a reply!. See #154. [153] Lastest: 154. Press ENTER for NEXT msg. Echo area 24 ... Flog and LSd *Come* Here ECHOMAIL: [A C D N E R = L I M G F U ?]: From: Hugh Jardon To: Lacy Lover Msg #154, 22-Aug-92 06:26am Subject: Re: Some testing may be necessary "Oh, never mind... I'll get somebody else to get a doctor... and by the by... you're fired!!!" Hugh pulled out his cellular with the 80 number memory, and dialed Apocalypse Inc's general physician (living in-house, of course). "Yeah, suite 2069... it's Lacy... she's collapsed, and won't wake up, no matter what I do....... no I didn't try *that*... just come down here and check her out please... thanks." Hugh grabbed Lacy's suitcases and threw them in the closet. He then walked to the door and opened it just before Dr. Drewlalot started knocking. "Ah, Mr. Jardon, always a pleasure to service you" "Well, Doc, it's not me this time... it's Lacy... she's in the bedroom... would you check her out please?" "But of course, sir... um, would you like to videotape it as usual?" : From: Flipper To: My Conscience Msg #155, 22-Aug-92 11:32pm Subject: NO! I didn't enjoy it!! Flipper finally emerged from the room, where the grade eight girls sighed in disappointment. Flipper, however, had a rather large smile on his face. (Actually, this is not unusual, but this smile had meaning rather than merely being the layout of his face). He sighed happily and entered the elevator. He hit the button for the 87th floor, where his room was, and waited. He went to his room and looked inside. Flipper was disappointed somewhat. It was an ordinary-looking hotel suite. Apparently nothing special had been prepared. Flipper had forgotten he was on vacation on opening day and did not announce his arrival. Nevertheless, he closed the door and looked at the room. Plain wallpaper adorned the walls, and one dresser, one small closet, a bathroom with a shower and a mirror were most of the room's notable features. Flipper went into the washroom and looked in the mirror. His reflection spoke to him: "That was wrong, you know." Flipper stepped back with a start. "You can't speak to me! Mirrors don't speak!" "I'm your conscience, you idiot! You shouldn't have gone into that room full of grade eight girls!" Flipper paused. "But it wasn't my fault! They dragged me in! I had no choice!!!" His reflection paused for some time, considering this fact. "That's true..." it slowly admitted. Flipper began nodding his head and turning out of the room, knowing he had won yet another moral battle. "But you enjoyed it." his conscience chided. Flipper froze. His mind raced. 'But,' he thought, 'of course! Uh, but, well...um....' Flipper turned back to the mirror and glared at his reflection, who smiled smugly back. *** "What the hell was that???" asked Bob the janitor, pulling himself to his feet. The two riflemen also stood up. Bob looked over at the man who lay near the pool, whose penis still dangled through his fly. Bob shook his head negativly. "See if that guy's alive or dead, and do up his fly, will ya?" he told the riflemen, who went to complete the task. "I'll get you..." mumbled Bob to himself...referring of course to Flipper. *** Flipper reclined in the open water of his slashed waterbed. "At least the bed is nice..." he commented to nobody in particular. Shards of broken mirror glass trailed out of the bathroom. Looking over at them, Flipper called the main desk. A gruff voice answered. "What happened to the woman voice?" asked Flipper. "If you want something, you'll have to deal with me, otherwise hang up so I can go on break!" insisted the voice. Flipper was taken aback. "All right," he said. "Send a maid up to my room to clean up a little mess. Also, do you know if Mr. Sonata has received my message to meet me yet?" --- Opus-CBCS 1.14 * Origin: Believe in Dan Quayle, accept restaurant bills. (1:163/290.0) [155] Lastest: 155 Echo area 24 ... Flog and LSd *Come* Here ECHOMAIL: [A C D N E R = L I M G F U ?]: From: Flog Sonata Rec'd To: Flipper Msg #156, 23-Aug-92 10:51am Subject: What we say in Spanish means nothing to me. As Flipper asked the front desk where Mr Flog was, and where was LSd for that matter, the two of them knocked on the door. "Ah, who is it, and do you want to rape me?" Flipper asked, cleverly realizing that the answer to this question would reveal if it was the rapist behind the door. "It's Flog and LSd," Flog said, "and, uh, I never considered it before, I don't think so, but then again, sex with a dolphin would make a great letter to Penthouse, but, no, thanks for the offer though." Flipper rushed to the door, yanked open, and dragged Flog and LSd into the room. "Thank God you're here," Flipper moaned, "I have a problem." "Please explain it all slowly and thoughtfully," LSd said. "Yeah," Flog murmured, "give us a summary. I've lost track of what happened." MEANWHILE... "Would you like to play chess?" Reg said to a small child in the lobby. Her parents were upstairs, making the beast with two backs, and had told her to "scoot". "My mommy said never to talk to strangers," the small pink girl said. "I'm not a stranger, I'm DEATH," Reg said. "Oh. I don't know how to play chess." "It's very easy, I'll teach you." "Well..." She pulled on her ponytails, looking adorable. "Ok," she finally agreed. "Good." Reg set up the board. "You get to be white, and go first," Reg said softly. Thirty minutes later, the girl had lost the game. Reg had teased and tortured her, otherwise he could have beat her in seconds. The girl stared at the board in amazement. "I don't think I like cheese." "Chess," Reg corrected. "I don't think I like chess," said the girl. "That's ok, you'll never have to play again." "Why? Don't you want to play again, Mr Death?" "No, no, you see, when you lose against Death in chess, you die. Everyone knows that." The girl slowly burst into tears. Her eyes became shocked, her fists clenched, and a low wail became a high wail. Her parents came out of the elevator and she ran up to them. "Mommy, Daddy! The funny man in the black robe with his stick- thing wants me to die cuz I lost at chess but I don't wanna die!" she screached. "No one touches my GOD DAMNED daughter!" screamed the father, and walked menacingly towards Reg. "It's all a misunderstanding," Reg said, before he had his head ripped off. From: Flipper To: Flog And Lsd Msg #157, 23-Aug-92 02:09pm Subject: woe is me! Flipper began explaining his problem. "Wellyouseethereisthisguywhowantstokillmeandanotherguyisweirdedout andwantstorapemeandwhen..." "Slow down," said LSd softly. "Yeah," said Flog. "You're not making any sense, Flip. That's not really unusual, but then I can't understand you either." Flipper took a deep breath and held it for as long as he could. Flog and LSd looked at him while he held his breath, for several minutes. Finally he exhaled, and appeared a litle more calm. "Well, I just had a run-in with a really weird guy who was trying to rape me, because I'm a dolphin. He didn't care that I was male, either. He's sick. But," Flipper paused, "I think he may be dead anyway." Flog and LSd looked at Flipper. "The other problem, one that seems a little more important now, is that one of your employees appears to be trying to kill me. I first saw him when I was trying to break into some room somewhere..." "Break in?" asked Flog. Flipper blushed slightly. "Well, uh, I was, just curious, you know? It turned out to be a room full of dangerous weapons and attack systems, but I got drunk there anyway. That was when I first saw the janitor. He looked in and screamed then ran away." Flipper tilted his head in reflection. "Maybe he didn't like vodka." "Anyway, when I got nervous I left the room, and then I remember seeing all these little fish around me, so I ran down the hall chasing them." Flog and LSd looked at each other, then nodded slowly at Flipper. "Next thing I knew I had run into the janitor again, and he went screaming down the hall crying 'Mad dolphin!' Oh yeah," he remembered, "I caught one of the fish just before that, but it screamed and tasted kinda funny and..." A sudden realization came into Flipper's mind. His eyes opened wide. "Oh my GOD!!" he screamed. "I bit a HUMAN!! HUMAN GERMS!!!" He ran into the washroom and began gargling mouthwash, toothpaste, and everything else he could find. *** Meanwhile, Reg had found the last assorted pieces of his skull and put them back in place, before continuing to go about his business. --- Opus-CBCS 1.14 * Origin: Some day my prince will CUM, then clean it up. (1:163/290.0) [157] Lastest: 157 Echo area 24 ... Flog and LSd *Come* Here ECHOMAIL: [A C D N E R = L I M G F U ?]: From: Flipper To: Flog And Lsd Msg #158, 26-Aug-92 03:10pm Subject: Well...? Flipper emerged from the bathroom, having sanitized his mouth to his satisfaction. Flog and LSd were still waiting for him, talking quietly back and forth to each other. When Flipper re-entered the room they stopped, and looked at him. "Feel better now?" asked Flog. "Yeah...I guess. But can you help me?" asked Flipper. *** The three old ladies sat around a small table in their private room, playing bridge. "I remember back when a room like this would only cost a dollar." sid one, looking around at the luxourious accomodations. "But this building is so HIGH", said another, making grand sweeping gestures with her hands. "I don't think it's very safe to be way up there" she pointed up. "That's why I got a low room," bragged the third. "We'll be safe, no matter what may happen!" Suddenly the door splintered and smashed in. Bob the janitor ran in, and the two riflemen followed right behind him, cocking their weapons and aiming at the women. "ALL RIGHT, DON'T MOVE!!!" yelled Bob. The three old ladies cringed back, and hugged each other for comfort. Their eyes were wide with fear. "WHERE'S THE DOLPHIN???" Bob demanded. The riflemen did a quick search of the room, throwing bedspreads, purses, nightstands, and everything else around the room. "Now see here, young man!" started the woman who owned the room. "I don't know what dolphin you are after, but we certainly are NOT dolphins!" The other two women nodded assent. The fear had been replaced by anger. "And we DON'T appreaciate you barging in here and messing up our nice room, while frightening us helpless old ladies with rifles!" "I DON'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT YOU OLD LADIES...WHERE IS THE FUCKING DOLPHIN??" Bob screamed at the top of his lungs. The old ladies stood up. "I can see," began the second lady, "that you need a lesson in manners." The other two ladies nodded, then as a group they lunged at Bob and started beating on him with their purses. "AUuughuUGH!" wailed Bob. He jumped up and began to flee down the hall, closly pursued by three old ladies wielding heavy purses. The riflemen followed closely behind. They rounded a corner, and a bellboy quickly jumped out of their way, and watched them race down the hall. "What a weird place," mumbled the bellboy. --- Opus-CBCS 1.14 * Origin: Some day my prince will CUM, then clean it up. (1:163/290.0) [158] Lastest: 158 Echo area 24 ... Flog and LSd *Come* Here ECHOMAIL: [A C D N E R = L I M G F U ?]: From: Flog Sonata To: All Msg #159, 27-Aug-92 02:36pm Subject: Sometimes I surprise even myself. BOO! AAHHH! Flipper stood nervously in front of Flog and LSd. "What should I do?" he clucked, "They all want me dead!" "I think you should just relax, take a herring, and just go to bed early," Flog said, signaling to LSd with a well-known hand gesture that perhaps flipper had gone off the deep end one too many times. "Yeah," LSd said softly, "perhaps you need some rest." "REST?" Flipper screamed, thrashing his tail, "They're out to get me!" Flog surreptiously loaded a syringe with lithium. "Now, Flipper," Flog whispered, "they aren't really out to get you, are they? This is all just in your imagination, right? Freudian problems no doubt, dealing with your finger of friendship and the ability to speak with humans..." "No, no, no," Flipper squawked, "it's real! An insane janitor wants me dead!" Flog lunged foreward with the syringe, yelling to LSd: "Grab him, he's dangerous!" Flipper dodged easily, being a bundle of nerves from all teh chaos around him. "Flog, LSd! I'm telling the truth!" "Sure Flip, now just relax and let Uncle Floggy give you this little injection that'll make you feel better." "Get him, Flog!" LSd screamed. Flipper ran out of the apartment and headed for the elevators, Flog close behind. "Mad dolphin!" Flog yelled. "Oh FUCK!" Flipper moaned as he headed for the stairs. --- Opus-CBCS 1.14 * Origin: Some day my prince will CUM, then clean it up. (1:163/290.0) From: Cadomark Rec'd To: Flog Sonata Msg #160, 27-Aug-92 05:02pm Subject: Ever walked late at night with a monitor? Cadomark sauntered down a hall, feeling, for once, rather good. His step was quite light, and he had no cares in the world. A grey screaming form rounded the corner and slammed into Cadomark, knocking him flying. The form did not pause for a moment, but continued running on. "What the...?" muttered Cadomark, raising himself up on one elbow to look at what appeared to be a dolphin that was running. He covered his eyes with his hand, and an, "Oh, god, what was in the drink this time?" escaped his lips. Flog and LSd rounded the corner at high speed. "THERE HE IS!" yelled Flog, waving a syringe at the dolphin-shape, which rounded another corner out of sight. They trampled over Cadomark in their mad haste to catch the thing. Cadomark simply lied there for a long while, feeling himself become one with the carpet. Eventually, he got up and dusted himself off. He shook his head in confusion and proceeded downwards to the bar, where several extremely foul-tasting drinks awaited him. An extremely wild-eyed and disshevelled man was in the elevator. He stood at least two feet taller than Cadomark. "Excuse me, sir," said the man. "Yes?" replied Cadomark absently, looking forward to a long tongue-marination session. The man paused for a moment to wipe a thousand tiny droplets of blood that had appeared on his arm. "Have you seen a dolphin?" he asked. "Well, uhh, yeah, I think so," he replied. "It ran me over." The man smiled in a very warm and friendly manner. "Did you enjoy it?" he asked. Cadomark's face pulled into a twisted sneer. "No, I didn't," he replied, his voice dripping with venom. The barb was wasted on the man, who, when the elevator stopped, stepped out with a smile and a hearty stride. The elevator returned to the ground floor, and Cadomark kicked his way rudely through the crowd to the bar, and knocked the smallest person he could find off a stool. "Brandy!" he yelled, "Gimme summin' strong. Everclear." Much time, and one shot later, found Cadomark slumped beneath a table. "What's this we have here?" asked Much time. "It looks like Cadomark," replied One Shot. "Doesn't he look cute coverred in his own vomit?" pondered Much Time. Cadomark came to long enough to wave Much Time and One Shot away, then passed out again. From: Flipper To: Maniacs Everywhere! Msg #161, 28-Aug-92 01:10am Subject: I thought Freud was an asshole? Flipper raced down the stairs in blind panic. He could hear Flog and LSd above him, but he was outdistancing them. His ability to 'move' allowed great speeds when needed. His mind raced as he tried to solve the problem he was in. "Ask for help?" he thought as he whirled around the railing to the next flight of stairs. "Nah," answered his mind, "You asked Flog, remember?" Suddenly he stopped. Flog and LSd were still several flights above him. He waited until they were only one flight above him, then he raised his flipper to indicate they should stop, which they did. "I know now what is going on," said Flipper. "I now will end this horrible DREAM!!" Flipper reached over and pinched himself, and grim smile on his face. He winced slightly. That was all. The look turned to confusion, and he pinched himself again, harder. This time he left a bruise, but still nothing happened. "Uh...." said Flipper. He whirled and continued racing down the stairs. *** A battered man exitted the large medical room of the complex. Bandages were wrapped around his head, and much of the rest of his face was bruised. One arm was in a sling, and he used a cane with the other. He wore battered and torn overalls, and was quickly joined by two men with rifles. "God, I hate dolphins," sneered Bob. *** A very large man rounded the corner of the hall and strode quickly down the hall, counting door numbers as he went. He paused to wipe some blood droplets off his arm, then continued. His pace quickened, as he seemed to be approaching his goal. Suddenly he stopped short in front of an open door. He checked the number on the door and nodded, though his face betrayed confusion. He entered the room, and gazed at the smashed mirror and slashed waterbed. He closed the door behind himself. --- Opus-CBCS 1.14 * Origin: Water water everywhere, and me without a jacuzzi. (1:163/290.0) [161] Lastest: 161 Echo area 24 ... Flog and LSd *Come* Here From: Flipper To: The Tv People Msg #162, 31-Aug-92 05:15pm Subject: I'm baaack Flipper ran out into the hall, his blowhole opening and closing rapidly as he tried to catch his breath. He looked at the elevators, unable to run farther, and rapidly hit the call button. 'Weird perverts,' he panted, 'homicidal janitors, , and now Flog and LSd are after me too!' He hit the call button again, hearing the footsteps on the stairs approach. Suddenly a room opened, and Bob stepped into the hall. He saw Flipper. "The DOLPHIN!" he yelled angrily, and ran back into the room to get a weapon. Flipper, still too tired to run, banged repeatedly on the call button. A different stairway door than the one Flipper used opened. A very large man stuck his head in the hall. "Dolphin?" he asked excitedly. The door behind Flipper opened. "Stay calm, Flip, we're here to help you," said Flog, advancing with the syringe ready. "Oh GOD!" screamed Flipper. "Next thing you know Death himself will be after me!!" As if on cue, the elevator opened, and Reg stepped out. Flipper took one look, screamed, and fainted, leaving himself to the mercy of the next narrator. --- Opus-CBCS 1.14 * Origin: Water water everywhere, and me without a jacuzzi. (1:163/290.0) [162] Lastest: 162 Echo area 24 ... Flog and LSd *Come* Here ECHOMAIL: [A C D N E R = L I M G F U ?]: From: Cadomark Rec'd To: Flipper Msg #163, 31-Aug-92 05:41pm Subject: You should learn from this, perhaps. Unfortunately for Flipper, the narrator was in a very sadistic mood that day. Bob the Rabid Janitor returned with a Magnum, and lined up on Flipper's prone body. The large man hastily insininuated himself in Bob's line of fire. "I get him first," he said, with only a little bit of drool escaping his mouth. Reg looked the scene over. "Is this the dolphin that's been causing havoc around here?" he asked. "You mean there are more?" asked the large man in a rapid excited voice. Bob moaned and sat down on the floor heavily. Reg looked rather confused, inasmuch as his skeletal face could convey any emotion. "Well, I suppose... I don't know." The large man shrugged. "Well, first things first," he said, stooping to drag Flipper off into a nearby suite. Flog snapped off a very long bout of kissing with LSd to notice the activity. "Uhh, we can't let you do this," he said. Everybody stopped for a second to look at him. "Why not?" ventured the janitor finally. "We just can't, that's all," Flog replied. "You know, if you don't let me have sex with him," said the large man, "that this dolphin is going to die a virgin? Yes, it's true, he has a terminal illness, and he's..." "Oh, okay that's fine then," interrupted Flog. "Carry on, carry on." The large man dragged Flipper off, and had sex with him in so many unusual ways that it would be impossible to describe here without pictures, which would indubitably be censored anyway. When his passion was sated, the janitor stepped in and shot Flipper to death. Reg resurrected him, just so the janitor could shoot him again. They did this for hours, until finally, Bob was out of ammunition. Flipper simply lied there for hours afterwards, horribly scarred and too shocked to do anything at all. (And what's the moral of this story? Never outright ask a narrator for mercy. T'ain't no such thing as a happy ending.) --- Opus-CBCS 1.14 * Origin: Water water everywhere, and me without a jacuzzi. (1:163/290.0) SEEN-BY: 163/135 207 290 305 405 410 518 243/9 *** Witty reply to msg #162. [163] Lastest: 163 Echo area 24 ... Flog and LSd *Come* Here ECHOMAIL: [A C D N E R = L I M G F U ?]: From: Hugh Jardon To: Anybody Who Cares Msg #164, 01-Sep-92 03:01am Subject: Weddings and such Hugh went to the front desk, decked out in his best suit, looking a little bit too much like a bad Eaton's ad. "Er, what time is Dave's wedding at, and in what room?" "The wedding is at 6pm, in the Lobotomy room, Mr. Jardon." "Thanks." Hugh glanced at his watch, and noticed it was 5 to 6. His face sank, and he ran towards the turbo-vators, hitting button "109" several times, and kicking out other people. In 30 seconds, he was on the 109th floor, and was running out the doors of the elevator to get LSd. He only took two steps, however, as she was standing in the elevator lobby, tapping her little feet. "You're never on time, Hugh. And I thought I was bad with punctuality." "Well, I had this long distance call..." Hugh started to snivel. "Never mind," said LSd with a flourish. "We have to get to Dave's wedding. Gods! Why did Flog have to go on that business trip, and leave me to be escorted by you?" The couple shot down to the 4th floor, and to the chapel, just as the music started. LSd was constantly stopping, pulling her skirt over her knees. "Stop walking so fast! If I take any bigger steps, my skirt will be up to my belly!" LSd enjoyed the idea of wearing spandex to somebody's wedding, but now had second thoughts about it. There was an intimate crowd gathered to see this couple get married, with the least pretension ever seen. They didn't have a public consumation, however, which disappointed LSd to no end. After the ceremony, of course, champagne followed in the lobby, with trays and trays of ord'oeuvres beeing passed about by hundreds of bland looking workers. LSd and Hugh chatted up various dignitaries, and special guests, not noticing just how much they were drinking. Soon LSd was giggling, almost blonde-like, chatting with the owner of Sodomy-Fest-Films. Hugh was dipping his ord'oeuvres in some cream dip that a well-endowed rich man's daughter was obliging enough to place in her cleavage. As family members milled about, taking hundreds of pictures, and video taping everything, the two somehow found each other in the huge crowd again, and decided to enter the reception space for the actual meal. As family members milled about, taking hundreds of pictures, and video taping everything, the two somehow found each other in the huge crowd again, and decided to enter the reception space for the actual meal. --- Opus-CBCS 1.14 * Origin: Water water everywhere, and me without a jacuzzi. (1:163/290.0) SEEN-BY: 163/135 207 290 305 405 410 518 243/9 [164] Lastest: 164 Echo area 24 ... Flog and LSd *Come* Here ECHOMAIL: [A C D N E R = L I M G F U ?]: From: Lady Stardust-Sonata Rec'd To: Hugh Jardon Msg #165, 02-Sep-92 01:51pm Subject: "But by the time the cream cheese icing had arrived," LSd giggled blondely to the Moroccan ambassador, "it was too late, we'd already copulated with the jellyfish. Well, *I* didn't, but other people did, and a jellyfish covered in body fluid is pretty useless." "Innndeeeed," slurred the ambassador, staring at LSd's spandex covered breasts. "Uh, LSd, I think the groom wants to talk to us," Hugh said desperately, grabbing her arm and tugging her in that direction. "Oops," chittered LSd, pulling the dress back over her nipples. Let us turn for a moment to LSd's dress. LSd had shopped gruellingly for over three weeks, before throwing her fate to the winds and picking the next dress that protected her from indecent exposure laws. The result was a floor length black and white silk and spandex with ostrich plumes for garnish, in which LSd's steps could not exceed three inches at a time or it immediately threw itself off, writhing, to the floor. LSd had initially been cautious, knowing that all she could fit under it were a pair of very close fitting thigh high stockings. However, her garters were seen more than once that evening, to the despair of Hugh, who had been promised a punctured testicle by Flog if anything at all untoward happened to LSd. "I feel like Morticia Addams," LSd giggled, taking very many very tiny steps in her eight inch heels. "You certainly have the dress for it," Hugh said ruefully. LSd threw her hands up in the air, causing her hemline to rise dangerously. "Darling, I've lost my purse," she said reprovingly. "I need to reapply the sealant to my stockings soon or my whole outfit will disintegrate." "Oh God," said Hugh, dabbing at a bead of sweat on his... never mind. "Look, darling, just what we've been searching for," she said, pointing a long nail at her purse. She searched through it and pulled out the sealant. "Perhaps over there..." she minced off to the ladies room. Hugh slumped against the wall, and the caterer came out. "Hey," he said. "I remember you. You're Hugh Jardon, I saw you modelling men's briefs a few years ago." Hugh blushed. "Uh, yeah." "Nice girlfriend," he leered. "We've got a betting pool going about how good she is... you know." "She's not my girlfriend," Hugh mumbled. "She's Lady Stardust-Sonata, bride-to-be of Flog Sonata, and founding member of Apocalypse Incorporated." "Wow, a high powered babe. Bet she *is* good." Hugh burst into tears --- Opus-CBCS 1.14 * Origin: Water water everywhere, and me without a jacuzzi. (1:163/290.0) SEEN-BY: 163/135 207 290 305 405 410 518 243/9 From: Lady Stardust-Sonata Rec'd To: Hugh Jardon Msg #166, 02-Sep-92 02:26pm Subject: oops.. "I need a *woman*," Hugh bellowed through his tears. The caterer smiled nervously. "Really really badly," Hugh cried. "Uh, I think I'm going to go now," the caterer said soothingly. "Just cause I saw you in your underwear is no reason for you to be stuck with me. Really." Then he fled. --- Opus-CBCS 1.14 * Origin: Water water everywhere, and me without a jacuzzi. (1:163/290.0) SEEN-BY: 163/135 207 290 305 405 410 518 243/9 From: Cadomark To: Feral Ferret Msg #167, 02-Sep-92 03:13pm Subject: Meanwhile, back at the ranch... Cadomark sat up groggily to see a form he faintly recognized rudely plough through the crowd. The form pulled back a cape to reveal a long mass of hair. She stepped up to his prone form, stepping on his toes and making it look like an accident. "Hi!" she said, kicking him in the ribs. "Remember me?" "Uhh," groaned Cadomark, wiping his eyes as if to banish a horrid sight. "You're from Sp" "Yes I am," she interrupted, "and you looked bored enough here to be tormented once again. So, tell me, how do you feel?" "But... but... but..." he stuttered, a look of shock and horror passing over his face. "MEDIC!" he finally screamed. He dragged himself up to bar level, looked at Brandy and croaked, "I've got PBS. Help me." He collapsed to the ground again and was promptly spat upon by some unknown passing greyish coloured form. Eventually, a pair of brawny looking nurses threw him bodily onto a stretcher and carried him away. What felt like several hours later, Cadomark found himself in a hospital bed with many tubes going into his arms and nostrils. His right arm, (the one with the most tubes in it) was strapped to the railing so he couldn't accidentally yank the IV's out. He looked up to see Elquila standing beside the bed, stroking his hair. "Uhh, hi," he said, in a fit of extreme self-consciousness. "Cadomarc!" she exclaimed, "You are awake!" "Uhh, yeah. I don't feel so good." The room swam dizzily, the lights went dim, and he passed out again. --- Opus-CBCS 1.14 From: Flipper To: Qoriybbv Msg #168, 03-Sep-92 05:48pm Subject: dispair and ruin Flipper wandered aimlessly through the casino, the bars, the stage areas, and many other places too numerous to mention. He hurt. He ached. He felt pain in places he didn't realize had nerves. But he was mostly dazed from the shock of violent death and resurrection, repeated many times over. Finally, he went to a particular bar where he had earlier noticed Caomark laying. He sat down, and stared blankly forward, trying to make sense out of his existance. Phrases danced through his mind, and the outside world lost significance. "...deal with..." "...die a virgin..." "...trouble?..." "...kill you!..." "...fish..." "I'm NOT a fucking fish!" "..." People began to back away from Flipper, as he was mumbling these phrases out loud. Brandy wondered if she should call someone. *** Meanwhile, Bob the janitor and the large man were seen walking out the door, arm in arm, heading to God-knows-where. From: Lady Stardust-Sonata To: Hugh Jardon Msg #169, 04-Sep-92 11:29am Subject: do *do* do-do, do-do-do Hugh swivelled around, beginning to panic. "Where did that LSd go?" he shrieked. A number of people stopped and stared, frightened at the thought of the chromosome damage this man was intent on doing himself, except for one kind soul who gave Hugh a piece of blotting paper, and walked on. Hugh looked at the blotting paper, tasted it, brightened, and tucked the rest into his gentleman's pocket. His gentleman was a little annoyed at Hugh's constant forays into this trouser pocket, but... well, never mind. "LSd..." called Hugh, more softly this time. He heard a giggle. "Ah, that must be LSd," he said in relief, bounding off in that direction." "Uh-huh.. ... Of course I understand being cut from Batman Returns, Michael... ..." "Ooops, sorry, wrong drunken blonde," Hugh said decorously, stepping back, and turning off in the direction of more inane laughter. "Brandy," said Hugh in relief. "There you are. Have you seen LSd? Flog made me promise to take care of her, or he'd be *really* upset... do you know where she is?" Brandy looked up from where she was tending bar for the masses. "Sure I know where Ms. Stardust-Sonata is, she's in that room over there but I wouldn't go in there if I were you..." Hugh rushed off. "Mr. Jardon, sir..." Brandy called futilely, but it was too late, Hugh had gone into the room. "Oh my God," Hugh screamed. "Cuntwhip me some more," Flog was moaning, lying in a jacuzzi filled with jello. LSd was standing over him, her dress pulled up to her *knees*, with a whip evidently clenched... *somewhere*, that made it almost look like a tail. She was flogging him in a sensual manner using only the muscles of her... well, uhm... ... *womanhood*. "Mew like a cat," LSd purred, "then I'll whip you some more." "Mewl, mewl," said Flog, writhing in pleasure. Hugh backed out of the room clumsily, trying to hide his namesake. "I *really* need a woman," he mumbled in annoyance. "Flog's bottom is starting to look good, even." --- Opus-CBCS 1.14 * Origin: I am disappointed more often than most are. (1:163/290.0) SEEN-BY: 163/135 207 290 305 405 410 518 243/9 From: Cadomark To: Qoriwhatever Msg #170, 04-Sep-92 09:10pm Subject: Saturday the 8th, the Final Beginning Cadomark was aware of a red haze off in the distance. It slowly approached him, and there was little he could do. He tried to outrun it, but it approached him just as fast as it did when he stood still. He charged it, but it didn't approach any faster, so he sat still and gazed at the bleak scenery of his mind... "Aaugh!" he groaned through clenched teeth, coming conscious again through a haze of red pain. Elquila Navelle suddenly sat up from the chair she had placed beside him and looked into his eyes to check for dilated pupils. "I really hate meeting people like this," he gasped softly, "There has got to be a better way." She carefully moved a few of the tubes out of the way and gave him a hug as best she could. "Eet ees goot to see you awake, Cadomarc," she said beamingly. He moaned softly and was about to clamp his free hand to his head, then remember that he had best stop being a wimp, and tried to act gallant. "Uhh, how long have I..." A dolphin in a white lab coat walked through the door, looked him over, and chattered excitedly for a bit. Elquila turned to the dolphin and chattered back, and a rapid conversation took place. Cadomark closed his eyes, and the images and sound went away. "What are they pumping into my veins?" he asked. The red haze snuck up from behind him, and he found himself sitting naked in a lotus position in some plain. The scenery was bleak and desolate, and a harsh wind whipped by, stinging his exposed flesh. He stood up and surveyed the landscape. There were hills off in the distance, and he headed off towards the only visible landmark. He cursed his lack of shoes as he stepped across the steppe, hoping to find something workable shelter-wise before nightfall. --- Opus-CBCS 1.14 * Origin: do *do* do-do, do-do-do -- the James Bond theme (1:163/290.0) SEEN-BY: 163/135 207 290 305 405 410 518 243/9 [170] Lastest: 170 Echo area 24 ... Flog and LSd *Come* Here ECHOMAIL: [A C D N E R = L I M G F U ?]: From: Hugh Jardon Rec'd To: Lady Stardust-Sonata Msg #171, 05-Sep-92 06:54am Subject: Re: You're gonna drive me nuts, aren't you? Hugh tore some of the blotting paper from his pocket and munched at it like a piece of pita bread. If frustration could be viewed and read like a newspaper it was originated by Hugh's face. "Well, at least I don't have to worry about taking care of her anymore. Maybe I'll go and find some club to drown in." Hugh found the Ecstasy Kingdom Club in the sub-sub-sub-basement, the club which catered to the techno-freaks. The chemical form of LSd was starting to kick in, and Hugh wanted more... he ordered a jar of ecstasy tabs from the bar, and took a few with a tumbler of single malt scotch. The music here is VERY loud - so loud that when listening, the bass is felt before it is heard... it was specifically designed this way by Hugh, and he relished in it. The one great thing about taking 'e' was that Hugh always forgot everything else. The music was all that mattered, and it became the most sexually exciting thing in the world. You could see it in other ravers' faces as well - some would leave the dance floor in order to clean themselves up, or to keep from collapsing after earth- shaking orgasms. Hugh was thrashing away when he suddenly saw the most beautiful petite blonde girl dancing on one of the speaker cabinets. She moved completely naturally, flailing her arms about, whipping her hair around in ways he could not have imagined until that moment. She was pure poetry in motion, and her presence completely engulfed Hugh's consciousness. He picked his jaw up off of the floor, and walked over to the speakers... --- Opus-CBCS 1.14 * Origin: do *do* do-do, do-do-do -- the James Bond theme (1:163/290.0) SEEN-BY: 163/135 207 254 290 305 405 410 518 243/9 *** Witty reply to msg #169. [171] Lastest: 171 Echo area 24 ... Flog and LSd *Come* Here ECHOMAIL: [A C D N E R = L I M G F U ?]: From: Flipper To: Reality Msg #172, 13-Sep-92 03:05am Subject: long time no see Flipper blinked and sat up suddenly. Though his eyes had been blank and his body numb, his mind had been working, and suddenly he stood up with the convinction of one who knew what he wanted to do. He wanted to find a woman. 'Not just anyone,' he thought to himself. 'Well, let's see...she'd have to be, uh, well kind, fun, uh, pretty, hmmm....' Flipper thought some more. His mind was still somewhat rocked from repeated magnum blasts, but he was pulling together. He started to walk towards the casino exit. 'I suppose she should be a dolphin, too,' he commented aloud. Several patrons who were already staring at him looked a little harder as he reached the swinging doors to the rest of the hotel. He stopped. A problem had come up. A little nagging doubt was cheering and leering at him from the back of his mind. He told it to shut up and go away. It stuck out it's tongue at him. 'Fuck OFF!' yelled Flipper in his mind to this little doubt. 'WHAT dolphin?' laughed the doubt back at him. 'Who is there but you?' *** There was suddenly a tremendous roaring sound as a truck full of gasoline exploded on a freeway some distance from the casino. But noone heard it because it was too noisy inside anyway. --- Opus-CBCS 1.14 * Origin: do *do* do-do, do-do-do -- the James Bond theme (1:163/290.0) [172] Lastest: 172 Echo area 24 ... Flog and LSd *Come* Here ECHOMAIL: [A C D N E R = L I M G F U ?]: =================================================== harmlesslion.com - Not for Commercial Use